𝔐𝔶 𝔉𝔞𝔦𝔯 𝔏𝔞𝔡𝔶 (ℜ𝔢𝔶𝔩𝔬 𝔉𝔞𝔫𝔣𝔦𝔠)

Chapter Ten: Thoughts Unforseen

Rey's POV

It has been two days now.

Not much has happened over the period of time between now and when I last saw Ben which was the day I fell terribly ill.

The time away from Ben was the time I started to really think about what I said.

The vulnerability of my words I had spoken to him left me at a state of concern.

I was starting to become a person I never thought I would dream of becoming, even fathom.

This wishy-washy state of character needed to stop, it was too unusually for me...acting all sad in front of him like that.

Presenting such weakness irked me. It was both humiliating and an embarrassment.

And I hated myself for letting such a moment get the best of me.

Honestly? Was I really wanting Ben that much, to love him as he's shown to me...to be more than just acquaintances as he wished to be?

I buried my face in my freezing hands in embarrassment.

I knew my heart...what it wished. My heart wanted him but I did not yet ache.

I could feel as if my cheeks were on fire as they turned red.

I put my elbows on my opened book that laid on my lap, my face still buried in my hands.

"Argh... I hate myself for being like this." I muttered words out loud, assuming I was alone in the castle gardens.

The evening light hit my book giving an orange sunset tone to the pages. It reminded me of tang color of orange peels.

I pinched my cheeks, trying to rid the thoughts that tried their way into my mind.

I did not want to think of anything beyond friendship with Ben right now.

But I knew that was not possible. Not now, not ever.

The thoughts flooded in; I couldn't stop them.

In fact...I somewhat wished to think about him a bit more often then I chose to.

I was afraid to admit he was winning my heart... gradually, he certainly was.

His dark and soft wavy hair.

The way his eyes looked at mine with such pleasantness. As if I were the only one on earth worthy of his glance.

To even spend the slightest time with his soothed all my worries...all my troubles.

Just as I was wondering into my thoughts a full-toned voice spoke out, smooth and clear.

"Why do you hate yourself Rey?"

I looked ahead of me to see a straight and narrowed face. Beauty marks scattered his face like stars to a night sky which made him oddly charming.

His eyebrows furrowed for a second after asking me that question.

I was so drawn into his presence that I overlooked the fact that he was now sitting beside me.

I shut my book the moment I realized his closeness and fiddled with the flower marker I had placed to keep my page.

I chewed gently on my inner lip in habit.

I averted my eyes from the ground to his eyes.

My face moderately blushed with heat.