Pretty Amazing Grace {Ryan Blaney || Sequel to Sweet Caroline} ✔️

nine

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"Ready?" Ryan stood up after Lydia came out of the bathroom in the clothes that he had brought.

Lydia nodded slowly. She really didn't want to be in a car alone with Ryan but she really didn't have a choice.

Lydia didn't really want to talk. Everything was so fresh that she worried that if they talked, things would be said that would be regretted and enough regrettable things had been said.

She knew they had to eventually. But it didn't have to be today, not if Lydia could help it.

She smiled at the nurse, following Ryan past the nurses' station. Her whole body ached but Tylenol did a good job of numbing the majority of her pain.

The sleeping pill had been glorious -- until Ryan called and woke her up. She appreciated that he had called for her input but after he called, she had a hell of a time falling back asleep.

Her mind kept replaying the whole day over and over until Lydia decided that she should try and do something productive -- to do something she had control over.

She came up with a couple of custody situations -- the last thing she wanted to have to do was go to mediation with Ryan over it. They were simple and Lydia thought they were fair.

If Ryan wanted to talk about something, they could talk about what they wanted to do about custody.

"I'm not sure when we're going to get Caroline back. My mom was talking about a movie and lunch and getting their nails done so..." Ryan shrugged as he unlocked his Bronco.

Lydia smiled. "That's okay." She slipped into the passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt. Her leg was bouncing as the engine vibrated the floorboard.

"So." Ryan started but Lydia put her hand up.

"I'm going to stop you right there." She tried to keep her voice steady.

"Why?" Ryan shot back, a hint of defiance in his voice surprised Lydia.

Her eyes drifted to the window. She didn't have a good reason why they shouldn't talk besides that she didn't want to, she wasn't ready. "I came up with a few different custody scenarios for Caroline."

"Oh." Lydia could practically hear Ryan's brow furrow. "Okay."

"Do you want to hear them?" Lydia's voice was sharp, a little sarcastic.

"I want to talk about what happened." There was an edge to Ryan's voice too.

"No." Defiance surged through Lydia. They were going to do this on her terms.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lydia could see Ryan tighten his grip on the steering wheel. "Lydia." There was a little desperation in his voice. "Please."

Lydia felt a little guilty. Ryan had been hurt too. She knew that she should be a little more understanding, a little more willing. "I don't think there's anything to talk about."

Ryan let out a loud laugh but the humor was absent. "That's the biggest fucking understatement that I've ever heard, Lydia. I want to talk. We need to talk."

"Ryan." Lydia was panicking at the anger bubbling in his voice. She could see this situation was starting to escalate and she could feel herself snapping back into a survival mode that she had always vowed that she'd never go back into. She let out a shaky breath. "I - I can't. I can't talk about this right now." Her voice had started out strong but by the last word, her voice had dissolved into a desperate plea.

She choked down a sob, hoping that Ryan hadn't heard but judging by the shift in his demeanor, the way his face softened a little -- he had.

"Okay." He whispered, leaning over and grabbing her hand. Her body tensed a little but she didn't move away.

Lydia hated that a week ago, his touch would have been comforting but now? Everything had changed, all of the trust that Lydia had for Ryan had vanished the moment he accosted her at the courthouse, red-faced with anger.

She didn't know where they could go from here. That was part of why Lydia didn't want to talk -- she didn't have answers, she didn't have the next step and she knew that's what Ryan wanted. He had always looked to her for guidance but now? She was just as lost and hurt.

Lydia knew they needed to figure it out but she had no idea how.

As Lydia watched the scenery pass out her window, Stacy's grin flashed through her mind. Lydia couldn't help but wonder if anything had happened between Ryan and Stacy over the weekend -- had Stacy been right, had Ryan went right back to her with Lydia gone?

"Did you and Stacy..." Lydia heard herself start to ask.

"No," Ryan answered, pulling his car into Lydia's driveway, killing the engine.

Lydia didn't wait for Ryan to say anything else. She had her answer -- not that it really mattered. Or did it? Lydia pulled the door open, easing her feet onto the ground.

Tiredness washed over her and thoughts of her bed pulled her into her house with Ryan in tow.

"For the record, I'm really sorry for what Stacy forced you to do." Ryan's voice followed her through the house.

"Thank you," Lydia whispered, unsure of what to say to him. She kept her head down as she climbed the stairs towards her bedroom.

"So I was thinking I could stay at the house tonight? Help you with Caroline and then be able to be here in the morning..." His voice trailed off. "Or is that too much?" Ryan was right behind her, his breath on the back of her neck.

"I'd really appreciate it." Lydia did really appreciate the offer. At least, if nothing else they would be able to co-parent without issue.

"Hey, so..." Lydia winced a little. She knew where this was going and all she wanted to do was go to bed. "I know you don't want to talk but --"

Without even thinking, Lydia stepped forward, pressing her lips to Ryan's. She knew that this wasn't going to solve anything, she knew that she should just talk to him, listen to what he had to say but right now, she couldn't.

When Kyle would argue with her, Lydia always knew that she could squelch the argument with a kiss, with sex. It was never enjoyable but at the end of it, the argument was forgotten at least for awhile -- sex was always a temporary reprieve.

It had always been different with Ryan -- their one night stand at the hotel was the first time that Lydia could remember having sex purely for her own pleasure.

And while part of Lydia wanted to preserve the sanctity of that, Lydia was in survival mode and more than anything, she needed this temporary reprieve

"Are you sure?" Ryan pulled away, a little bit of confusion in his eyes.

Lydia chewed on her bottom lip. "Yes."

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