Pretty Amazing Grace {Ryan Blaney || Sequel to Sweet Caroline} ✔️

twenty-two

tw — miscarriage, blood
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A stabbing pain woke Lydia up from a dreamless sleep. She stifled a groan to not wake up Ryan who was asleep next to her.

The weekend had been a numb blur, just going through the motions with a smile on her face. She couldn't even bring herself to look at Ryan, to see the hurt on his face and know that it was her fault that he was feeling this way.

But with the sharp pain in her abdomen, the numbness was replaced with pain.

Slipping out of bed and into the bathroom, Lydia knew what she would find -- blood. The ultimate confirmation that she was having a miscarriage.

She had been in denial, clinging onto a desperate hope that maybe the doctor had been wrong, that there was a healthy baby in her womb after all but as she turned on the shower, that hope had been dashed and a pit of grief settled where the hope had been.

Quickly, she shucked off her clothes -- setting aside her blood-stained shorts.

Stepping into the hot water, she watched the water turn red before it circled the drain, disappearing.

A sob escaped her lips as she doubled over with another wave of sharp pain. She hated this, hated that all she wanted for this to be a dream, a mistake, something so it wasn't actually happening.

She wanted this baby but she couldn't stop this, she couldn't stop the miscarriage -- she was powerless.

"Lydia?" Ryan's groggy voice floated into the room. "What's going on?"

Lydia wanted to brush it all off and pretend like nothing was happening but she couldn't -- not now. The dam had broken and all she was feeling was the pain. The physical pain of the miscarriage and the mental anguish of losing this baby.

"I'm having the miscarriage." She choked out in between sobs. Any resemblance of a mask was gone.

Ryan pulled back the shower curtain and Lydia dove into his chest. Fully clothed, Ryan stepped into the shower, his arms tight around Lydia, holding her up when her legs buckled.

"I'm sorry," Lydia whispered, her voice hoarse from the crying. "This is all my fault and --"

Ryan cut her off with a kiss, stopping her apology. She could feel the desperation, the hurt in the kiss but she could also feel the love behind it. She leaned into the kiss, thankful for it, thankful for him.

"Listen to me," Ryan rested his forehead against hers. "This isn't your fault, Lydia." He paused, tears welling in his eyes. "It's my fault."

Lydia's sobs came to a halt as she looked up into Ryan's eyes. "What?"

Ryan shifted a little, looking away for a minute. "I stressed you out with the court case and everything that has happened after that." Tears were streaming down his face now but he was looking away from her.

Guilt washed over Lydia that she hadn't checked in on Ryan to see where his head was over this whole situation. "It's not your fault." She shook her head, reaching behind her to shut the shower off.