Pretty Amazing Grace {Ryan Blaney || Sequel to Sweet Caroline} ✔️

nineteen

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"Lydia, why did you wait to tell Ryan that you had changed your name?" The therapist leaned forward.

Lydia wrung her hands, "I couldn't find the right time." She murmured. "I had an opportunity to tell you that I had changed my name in our first session but I don't know? I thought it would be too much" Her eyes found Ryan's but he quickly looked away. "I didn't want to hurt you."

Part of Lydia regretted telling Ryan -- things had been tense. He had been pretty distant the past few days and nothing Lydia did could bring him closer to her. That night that she had told him, he had promised her that they would make it through it but after that, he had withdrawn from her. She couldn't help but wonder if she had lost him completely.

That thought made it hard for Lydia to breathe. Somehow her past was still ruining things, she should've known this would happen, she should have known that they were never going to get their happily ever after.

Ryan cleared his throat, his eyes watering. "I don't know if I should call you Amelia or Lydia."

"I am Lydia." She whispered. "This doesn't have to change anything. I'm still the same person, I haven't changed."

"It feels like everything has changed." Ryan looked away. "I just don't understand why you couldn't have told me, why you just dropped that bomb."

"Any time I would've told you would have been dropping a bomb." Lydia tried to hide her indignance. "It's not exactly dinner conversation or pillow talk, Ryan."

His eyes snapped to her, an edge that told Lydia she had said the wrong thing -- the same look in his eyes that he had at the courthouse. She felt herself shrinking in the chair, bracing herself for whatever venom Ryan was about to spew at her.

But instead, his eyes widened and then softened. "You're right." He murmured.

"I'm sorry. When I got home, it felt like I needed to tell you that or I would explode." Lydia shrugged. "I just --" She stopped, trying to figure out how to articulate her thoughts. "When I became Lydia, I locked everything that happened to Amelia, to me away. And I guess it was like if I told you about my past then I would have to unlock the box and I really didn't want to. But after my meeting with my mom, it was all just there. I should've thought it through." Lydia lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry. But I'm still the same person that you fell in love with, Ryan. I'm still the same person that fell in love with you."

Ryan blinked a few times, something shifting in his eyes -- like something had clicked for him. "I love you."

"I love you too." Like everything, Lydia knew this was going to take time but she couldn't help but feel like they had made a breakthrough and they were going to be okay.

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"What did Caroline's nursery look like?" Lydia stopped the cart next to Ryan who was peering at cribs.

"She didn't have one." Lydia chewed on her lip. "My apartment was a one-bedroom so she had a little pack and play that she slept in until I graduated and we moved here."

Ryan nodded slowly, his eyes drifting back towards the cribs.

"I was thinking we could turn the guest bedroom into a nursery." Lydia offered, nervous that Ryan was upset with her for not being able to give Caroline a nursery when she was a baby. "Maybe we should think about finding a bigger house?"

A grin spread across Ryan's face, "Together?"

Lydia nodded. They hadn't ever really defined themselves or talked about how Ryan had been slowly moving his belongings into her house. It didn't make sense for Ryan to get his own place, not when they were going to be welcoming a baby soon.

"I don't think we need a huge house but another bedroom would be nice." Lydia smiled. "And it'd be something we got to pick out together."

"I can call a realtor?" Ryan offered, the grin never dropping from his face. His smile made Lydia's heart thump a little harder in her ribcage -- a distinct difference from earlier.

"I'd like that. Maybe we can look at houses next week. Don't forget we have my OB appointment before we fly to the track." Lydia squeezed Ryan's bicep with a smile.

"Are we going to get to see the baby?" Ryan asked, wandering towards the children's clothes.

"I think so. Normally they do an ultrasound to confirm the due date." Lydia's fingertips ran over the tiny baby clothes.

"What if we give Caroline this when we board the plane?" Ryan held up a shirt that said Big Sister on the front.

"I think that's perfect." Lydia flipped through the sizes until she found Caroline's. "She's going to be so excited."

"I'm so excited." Ryan murmured.

"So am I." Lydia offered a smile. "This time is going to be so different."

"What do you mean?" Ryan furrowed a brow.

"This time, I'll have you and I'll feel stable and ready. With Caroline, it was such a whirlwind with law school and everything that I don't even feel like I got to enjoy being pregnant or enjoy her as a baby as much as I wish I could've." Lydia shrugged.

Ryan nodded. "How did you juggle having Caroline and law school?"

"Louisa down the hall was a lifesaver. She'd watch Caroline so I could work on homework. And my grandma's inheritance was large enough that I didn't have to work." Her voice trailed off. "I managed to graduate at the top of my class."

"You are amazing, you know that?" Ryan's hands found her hips, tugging her into him. Lydia couldn't help but nuzzle into his chest, relieved that therapy had helped.

"I love you," Lydia whispered into his chest, forgetting that they were in the middle of a  Target.

"I love you too." Ryan tipped her head back so he could press a sweet kiss to her lips, his hands moving to her belly. "And I can't wait to see this baby. They're going to be perfect."

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