Pretty Amazing Grace {Ryan Blaney || Sequel to Sweet Caroline} ✔️

twenty-five

in case you didn't read the note i had posted on monday — i'm going to post once a week on wednesdays.
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

Ryan picked at the paper napkin, his stomach churning as he waited for Kim. He knew he shouldn't be so nervous, she was his friend.

Or at least she had been.

This was part of the fall out from Stacy, he knew this. And while Lydia had been sure that Kim would be understanding, there was still a pit in his stomach -- a huge what-if that Ryan wasn't sure how to handle.

"Hey." Kim's voice startled Ryan a little as she plopped down across from him. "You made it."

"Yeah." Ryan deserved that, he deserved the skepticism. But he let out a slow breath, reminding himself that Chase was the same way at first but they're okay now.

"So how are you?" Kim leaned forward, not bothering to look at the menu.

Ryan leaned back in his chair, running his hand through his hair. He didn't even know where to start, how to start. "Better?" He offered, chewing on the inside of his cheek before he cleared his throat. "Things with Stacy weren't good." He laughed dryly at the understatement. "She decided that she knew what was best for me and if I resisted, I paid the price. So that's why I quit the podcast, why I quit talking to you and all of my other friends. She always had reasons and if I argued, she'd launch into a tirade." He shrugged.

"Oh my God?" Kim's eyes were wide. "Ryan, I had no idea. I just thought --" She stopped, shaking her head. "I don't know? That you had grown out of the podcast."

Ryan shrugged. He didn't know what to say, he never would've been able to ask for help, even if Kim had noticed there was something amiss -- not when Elle had effectively kept him pinned in the relationship. "It's okay now."

"I should have known." Kim murmured. "I've had controlling boyfriends before -- I should have recognized the signs."

Ryan swallowed hard, unsure of how to break it to his friend that this went beyond a controlling relationship. "It was a little more than just controlling. My therapist says that it was emotional and verbal abuse."

Kim's eyes went wide. "Ryan, I --". She stopped, avoiding eye contact for a moment. "Wow."

Ryan shrugged, not sure what to say. His therapist had been talking to him about not minimizing his abuse so he was trying hard not to do that but he hated seeing Kim uncomfortable.

"Are you okay?" Kim asked after a minute. "No, wait. What a dumb question -- of course you aren't okay. You were trapped in an abusive relationship for a long time. But you're in therapy, that's great."

Ryan leaned back. "I'm doing alright. Having Lydia and Caroline has made all the difference. Therapy helps too."

Kim's face lit up. "Yeah! I was going to ask about that. I was surprised to hear those rumors and even more surprised when you confirmed it."

Ryan ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. That definitely wasn't how I wanted to handle things. I still never figured out who started that rumor but I'm sure I could guess."

"Right." Kim frowned. "But Caroline and Lydia -- how did all of that come about? Or did you know all along?"

"I met her at a fan event, actually. It was a shock, no doubt but I think things like this work out the way they're meant to." Ryan shrugged. He knew that the likelihood of people understanding how he was okay with Caroline's entrance into his life was low so he didn't want to dwell on it.

"And Lydia? I met her at a race. She seems sweet. But most importantly, I can see how happy she makes you." Kim smiled.

"She's great." Ryan felt his face eat up. "She was the first person to believe me. She helped me get out."

"Right." Kim lowered her eyes for a moment before lifting them. "Have you considered telling your story?"

Ryan shook his head. He really hadn't even considered it.

What would people be able to gain from his story? That he was weak or stupid to have allowed himself to get into the position. He had so much than an average person could dream of -- wouldn't this seem insignificant?

Not even to mention the backlash he could possibly face -- the names the online commentators would throw around. Would his drivers look at him and see a weak man, an easy target? Would he lose his fanbase if they knew how broken he was?

"I don't know why I would?" He managed to whisper.

"Abuse isn't just a women's issue, Ryan." Kim pointed out. "As many as 1 in 3 of all domestic violence victims are men. Hearing your story could do so much for somebody going through the same things you did, it could even help them recognize their situation. Would things have been different for you if somebody you knew and respected had talked about a similar situation?"

Ryan shrugged but he knew that if somebody had come forward and labeled Stacy's behavior as abuse, he would've had an easier time leaving, he would have left sooner. "It just feels like I'd be whining."

"You could do more than talk about it." Kim leaned back. "I'm just saying, you have a platform and I think it would be a big deal if you spoke up."

"What if it's a big deal in a bad way?" Ryan whispered.

"There will always be internet trolls but I think that all of the people in the industry would be supportive. Hell, they'll all probably be relieved to know that the Ryan we all knew and loved is still here." She shrugged. "It's up to you, sleep on it. I also wanted to ask you to come back to the podcast, we've avoided committing to a replacement so your seat is still available."

"Okay." Ryan nodded. He bit his lip before adding. "I'll do it. I'll come back on the podcast and tell my story." He winced, he probably should have run it past Lydia but as he thought about what Kim had said, he knew she was right -- if his story could help even one person, he knew he had to tell it.

And it would be nice to set the record straight, to have it all out in the open. No more whispers, no more rumors. He could put the true story out there, on record.

"Okay." Kim smiled brightly, picking up her menu. "I'll talk to Chuck and we'll figure out a time. But I'm hungry."

Ryan picked up his menu, it felt like a fifty-pound weight had been lifted off his chest. "Me too." He agreed. "Let's eat."

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃