Pretty Amazing Grace {Ryan Blaney || Sequel to Sweet Caroline} ✔️

twenty-one

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Lydia opened the door of the motorhome, slipping out. She had been trying to sleep for what felt like forever and all she had been doing was replaying what had happened in the doctor's office.

Lydia wasn't really a runner but she was desperate to do something, anything to stop thinking about the tiny form on the ultrasound screen -- forever still.

She picked up her pace, her breathing picking up -- the burning in her lungs a welcome relief from the anguish that was eating her alive.

She had had to stuff her hurt down and plaster on a fake smile for Caroline. This wasn't Caroline's burden to bear and Lydia knew that it was her job to protect Caroline from the way the universe liked to steal joy -- Caroline didn't need to know about that yet.

She picked up her speed, taking herself as fast as her legs would carry her. Her breathing was labored but Lydia didn't care.

Her legs carried her a few hundred yards before she collapsed into a heap of tears. Her hurt spilled onto her cheeks.

With Caroline,  she hadn't been prepared -- she didn't even know she was pregnant until midway through. Everything had been so messy, so unplanned. She hadn't taken prenatal vitamins during the most critical part of her pregnancy, she certainly hadn't had enough water and she lived off of Ramen noodles and takeout.

But Caroline was healthy, so smart and kind. Lydia had had a perfect pregnancy and an easy delivery and the easiest newborn.

This time, she had been prepared. It was still unexpected but she had found out early, she had been taking prenatal vitamins, drinking plenty of water and eating a well-rounded diet. She had done everything right and still, the baby didn't have a heartbeat.

Lydia didn't understand what had gone wrong, she couldn't wrap her head around it. She knew that was the source of anguish, the inability to understand.

She willed herself to stop crying, to stop thinking about it. If there was any way she was going to be able to keep a strong face for Caroline, she had to put her hurt in a box and lock it.

Lydia picked herself up off the ground, dusting off her pants. Thankful that it was late enough that nobody was out to see her breakdown, she slipped back into Ryan's motorhome.

Lydia paused at the sight of Caroline's sleeping outline on the couch. As Lydia admired the beautiful thing that she had created, the hurt slammed into her again -- she'd never get to see this baby, never get to hold them or watch them grow like she had Caroline.

A fresh wave rolled down her cheeks -- she was unable to stop them. Lydia hated that, she hated that she couldn't just shove her feelings in a box like she wanted to.

Lydia moved through the motorhome into the bedroom where Ryan was sleeping. She flipped the covers up, climbing in.

In his sleep, Ryan rolled over and wrapped his arms around her. Lydia melted into him, letting his unconscious affection soothe her.

The sheer exhaustion from the day finally pulled her into a deep sleep, ending what possibly was the worst day of her life.