The Fate Of Broken Hearts

Chapter 40

We walked side by side along the wide footpath under the gloomy skies and sunless weather. We didn't say anything, yet one shared glance spoke more than any words could have possibly said.

However, stolen glances only went so far, and Aiden and I found ourselves in the place we both most frequently visited, of brown cups and rich black coffee.

Aiden played with the handle of his cup and swirled it around while I sipped on mine for the third time in as many minutes.

The truth is, there was no simple way to start this conversation. I don't think either of us had any idea how to.

"Last night... I felt relieved when you showed up." He began. "Despite everything, you'd decided to stay. And then... you were gone."

I held my breath and rubbed my hands together in my lap, waiting for him to continue.

"I'm not mad that you left, Emma. I couldn't be more thankful for what you did for me, for showing up."

"Why do you bring it up?" I asked faintly.

"I don't want you to leave again."

I turned my head to the people on the sidewalks who locked arms or held hands as they walked by. I thought focusing on them would somehow make this easier.

"You told me that we don't know where we stand with each other." He said. "That if you laid next to me, you weren't sure if I would regret it. Even when I told you I wouldn't, you still left. So, here I am." He exhaled softly. "I want to know where we stand. I need to know what this thing between us is."

"Why does it matter to you?"

He searched my face, perplexed as to why I would have to ask to know the answer.

"Because as much as I hate to admit it... you matter to me."

I sat in silence as I processed his words.

He faced me head-on, never tearing his eyes from mine.

"I know what I want, Emma." He said firmly. "The question is: do you?"

I clasped my mug between my hands and bit down on my lip.

"A few days ago, I received my first ever paycheck... I called William to tell him the good news, but he didn't answer his phone. Then, I thought about telling you. I wanted to tell you, Aiden. I just..."

He sat back. "The phone call."

I half laughed. "Even though it didn't make sense, I still wanted to tell you."

He studied my features carefully.

Maybe it was that he didn't know what to say, or how to say it, but he was quiet.

"Aiden. I want to know the parts of yourself that you hide. Desperately, I want to know you. But I don't think I can..."

His eyes dropped to his hands. "Why?"

"Because I don't know how to be around you and not feel like I am constantly waiting to be told that I'm worthless, or stupid." I ranted, ripping off the band-aid. "Because even when you promise not to say those things, I know who you're capable of being."

He hesitated for a moment. Then when he finally looked at me again, he seemed determined.

"I have never wanted a relationship before." He stated clearly. "I hate the thought of someone getting to know me so profoundly, that I no longer have any secrets. I hate opening up and talking about certain parts of my life! I despise most aspects of a relationship, but I'm willing to do it all if it's with you." He sighed, pushing back his hair. "Believe me, I know who I am capable of being, but it is not who I want to be with you."