Sonata No.9 | MYG 🔞

17| Unravelling

Soundtrack: Let it happen by Tame Impala

The trip back was silent.

Victoria was huddled against the car window, legs against her chest and head leaning towards the glass, looking small in her large coat. Her fists were inside of her sleeves, creating sweater paws that she was using to wipe her tears. She was still sniffling a little, eyes red and teary, a painful expression on her face.

The outside was still bright and shiny, sun so luminous it was making people blink and direct their eyes downward. Yoongi sighed, thinking that sunny weathers were overrated. Really, when he thought about it, the sun was just big and obnoxious, taking all the place in the sky and hiding the stars and the moon with its annoying shimmering making people look down and narrow their eyes. Such an egoistic celestial, the sun; so vain and self-serving, blinding everyone from afar and burning the ones that decided to get closer.

"You can't do that anymore," spoke Victoria, breaking the fragile silence between them and bringing back the pianist from his odd thoughts.

"Doing what?" Yoongi asked, knowing perfectly that she referred to their previous encounter in the auditorium, involving his lips on hers and lots of hands roaming and digging.

Still, he asked anyway, because he needed some time to put his emotions into words and make sense of all of that. He had never been good at expressing his feelings, and from experience, he knew that he needed to formulate coherent sentences in his head before saying them out loud or everything would come out of his mouth wrong and twisted.

"You can't kiss me anymore," asserted Victoria between gritted teeth.

She looked rather angry, but at least she wasn't crying anymore. Her arms were crossed on her chest, chin down against her throat, looking at her feet.

"When you kiss me," she continued, "You mess with my feelings. That is not fine. It's not funny and I don't like it. It makes me believe that we could work out and then I get heartbroken again."

Yoongi sighed, eyes on the road.

"I know," he spoke quietly, "It just seems like I can't stop."

'Can't stop' was a euphemism. Yoongi felt like he was inside of a car with no breaks going at full speed down a hill, inevitably leading to a crash. In this case, his heart was the wheels and his brain was inside the vehicle, trying to stop it with all of its might. There was absolutely nothing to do however, and the collision was eminent, so at this point he was just going with it instead of fighting.

"I'm serious," continued Victoria, annoyed, "Whatever is going on between us is seriously wrecking my life, so can you please just... let me be and stop kissing me and touching me and looking at me. I need to figure myself out and I can't do that when you're acting this way."

Yoongi breathed out deeply.

"No," he finally said, "I'm not holding back anymore and pretending like the attraction is just going to leave. I can't, so – so yeah, that's just it I guess."

The girl sent him a look, blinking, her eyes were telling him she was wondering if he had suddenly gone mad.

"And what about your career and my career and everything you love being destroyed and becoming a borderline-pedophile?"

She was using his own words against him, remembering the previous talk on the subject they had, which had ended with Victoria crying against her kitchen counter and the pianist leaving.

"Fuck it. I don't care, I'm in the mood to self-destruct."

The girl choked on a giggle, probably thinking he had gone properly crazy. She sent him a side glance and he smiled back at her. Already, a fluttering sensation was bubbling in his chest, making him grin at the girl. This conversation was lighting all of his nerves on fire in the most delicious way.