I'll Stand Behind You (Kylo Ren x Reader)

8- A Broken Soul

You let your eyes roam. The walls were completely destroyed with terrified claw marks raked all over them. The IV bag was on the floor leaking and the bed was turning red from blood.

But the worst thing, the most destroyed thing, by far was Kylo. His right eye and cheek were covered with cloth, and his black hair stuck up in the air. His showing eye was red, from either fatigue or sadness.

Without hesitation, you run to him and wrap your arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder.

"The nurse said you had woken up." You whisper, scared that this was a dream.

"Woken up?"

You look at him, "you've been asleep for nearly a week."

He breaks the embrace and looks at you, "Starkiller base?" He asks softly.

You shake your head, "Hux and I found you laying in the forest minutes before it exploded. You were bleeding everywhere and your face was torn up." You reach out to touch his bandage but he flinches and turns his head to the side.

"I thought you were done for, Kylo." You whisper. You touch his chin and bring it back so he was looking at you again. He leans forwards, his forehead resting on yours.

"What happened?" You softly ask, "if you don't want to tell me it's fi-"

"It was the scavenger girl." he replied, he breaths in, the words were suppose to come out angry but they sounded broken, "she had never held a light saber before so I assumed I could take her easily."

"Was she better then you?"

He laughs softly, "no. I have more skill, but..

"But what?"

"She called me monster." his voice breaks.

"Hey." You put a hand on his cheek, "you're not. Okay?"

He looked into your eyes, "but she was right. I am a monster. I did something, that I." He stops talking.

"What did you do?" What could Kylo had possibly done that makes him so vulnerable?

"I killed Han Solo." he says, his voice full of regret.

"The old resistance pilot?" you ask, remembering Poe telling you about him, "I'm sure it was only out of self defense."

"No it wasn't." his voice was low, "I killed him on purpose."

"He was only going to hurt you at the end, Kylo." You defend, trying to make him feel better.

"He's wasn't. He wasn't trying to hurt me."

"Why?" you questioned, everyone who wasn't First Order wanted to hurt Kylo Ren.

"Because I'm his son." he pulls his head back, and puts his hand over his eye. As if trying to erase a memory.

Your feel your throat dry up, your mind running trying to connect the pieces, "His son?" you gasp, realizing who he was, "Han Solo is your father?"

"He came to bring me back home." Kylo tells you, "I mean back to the resistance. He approached me on the bridge, weaponless. Begging me to bring his son back."

"I could feel myself growing weak, seeing the light in myself." He swallows, "so I killed him."

He looks over at his light saber, "stabbed him right threw the chest, and kicked him off the platform. His body can never be found."

You take a step away from him, your facing paling with fear, not fearing Kylo himself, fearing the sound in his voice. It was new, it wasn't strong and demanding, it was weak and sad.

He regretted his actions.

Kylo snaps his head up at your thoughts, "I do not!"

"It's okay if you do." you say.

"It was the only way of proving myself to Snoke. Of fully making me the Lord Commander." His soft voice, beginning to rise again. "I regret nothing."

"Regret doesn't make you weak."

"Yes. Yes it does. If it didn't I wouldn't have this fucking bandage wrapped around my head." He snaps.

"You have that scar because of the conflict inside yourself, Kylo." You match his tone, "not because of the love you feel for your father."

"I don't love him!" He yells at you, reaching out for his lightsaber.

"IF THAT WAS TRUE THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE CONFLICTED RIGHT NOW!" you yell back.

He lets out an angry sigh, "I don't love, Y/n, I don't know how to love. Because my father never loved me."

He throws his lightsaber on the ground and sits on the bed, his fingers moving through his hair.

"My loyalties don't lie with the man who shipped me off the first day I could go. My loyalty lies with the First Order." He sternly says.

"You were not born in the Darkness." You tell him, sitting next to him. "You are not a monster."

He swallows and his angry face falls, "I killed him. I wasn't born in the darkness, but I am evil."

He runs his hand down the bandage, "now I'll actually need a mask."

Your heart breaks. The man in front of you was not the same man who spoke of destroying planets and left you in your room while a war rang out.

"Last time we saw each other I told you that I didn't stand behind the first order." you hold his hand, "but I do stand behind you."

He looks up, the end of his lips move up to form a small smile.

"I don't know what our plan is now, but I see you... finally." You tell him, "I see a man who's conflicted and broken. I want to help you."

He swallows and looks down at the floor

"You need to let me help you." you whisper.

"Can you," he he motions to the bandage, "take it off?"

You smile. His eyes close and he doesn't even flinch when you start pulling the cloth off his bruised skin.

You breath out when you see the wound. The scar ran down his face and past his neck, but it didn't make him look bad, it was kind of hot.

"How bad is it?" He mumbles, opening his eyes.

"It's-" you stutter trying to find the right words. "It's wonderful."

He snorts out in laughter, but winces in pain because of the movement, "yeah right."

You smile at him, and run your finger down it, making his breathing faster. The scar wasn't a sign of weakness. It didn't represent evil. The new face of Kylo made you happy, the scar represented the person you are trying to save.

You brush your fingers over his cheek, and look at him. His lips part slightly and his eyes widen.

You lean into him and make contact, the warmth of his body intimidates you but you dont break away.

His hand comes up around your waist and he kisses back more forcibly. You run your hand up his neck into his long black hair, pulling his head closer to you.

"Kylo, I..." you whisper.

"Just shut up." He whispers back aggressively, connecting with your lips again.

Your other hand comes to his cheek, depending the kiss. It was magical.

He breaks it, gasping for air..

"What's wrong?" You quickly ask.

He winces and shifts his leg which you were sitting on, "my leg was just shot. And it's hurting."

"Oh." you suddenly laugh, "I thought you didn't like it." you say blushing.

"No no no." He stutters, "That was." He breaths, trying to catch his breath.

"Wonderful?" You say with a smile. He nods and leans back in for a kiss. "What about your leg?"

"Screw it."