Married To Baseball

Ball.

Jailyn~

Glancing around the locker room, I let my eyes linger a little longer on the now empty locker that used to be Maddy's. It's weird to be here now prepping for our first game without her. Tying my own hair in, I stop reminiscing on the used to be of this team and glance to Natasha, the one stepping up for today into Maddy's spot. Everything about her demeanor lets on how nervous she is. She's keeping to herself, not saying much to anyone as she goes through any routine that she can find to prep for her first starting lineup spot. Occasionally, she'll sigh as she seems to shake out the jitters in her hands. 

"Hey, Nat," I call out, grabbing her attention from where I sit on the bench, lacing up my cleats. "Com'ere for a second."  

"What's up, Jai?" She asks, making her way over. "That drop of yours was my favorite," She adds, gesturing to my freshly laced spikes. 

"Thanks," I reply, sharing a smile with her, "How are you feeling? It's a big day for you." 

"I'm okay," Nat nods, her demeanor seemingly even more nervous now that she's talking to me. "Kinda nervous, if we're being completely honest. I've been practicing with you all for long enough, though. It's not as scary as it could've been."

"Well, that's a start," I chuckle. "Just think of it like any other game you've subbed in for one of us," I shrug, "You've earned this spot and earned your place on this team; that's the hard part. Just keep playing as you've been, and you'll have girls looking at you like you look at me." 

Nat lets out a laugh as I chuckle with her, "Is it that obvious?" 

"No, but I'm used to Maddy and Carly," I joke, "It's easier to pick up on. Just take a breath and take it all in. Regardless of what happens today, it's just a random mid-season match-up. Not the end of the world if you would for whatever reason suck." 

"The goal is not to suck, though," Nat adds, making me laugh as I nod, "Thanks, Jai."

"Any time," I reply, sharing a smile with her before she goes back to getting ready for the game. Hopefully, this little chat helped calm a few of her nerves. It's a daunting place to be for the first time, but she's already got the spot and already played in some big spots. The only difference now is that she's starting.

Smacking into the leather of my glove, I grab Nat's throw as I glance around the stands. There's a decent crowd here for a two pm Tuesday game. Tossing the ball back, I continue taking everything in as I play catch with my new partner. I suppose this isn't quite as daunting as it could've been for Natasha. A sold-out crowd on a Saturday night is a little more pressure than what this is. 

Taking a breath, I look toward Taylor on the mound before throwing the ball back to Nat one last time. Nodding my head to the side, I let Nat know she should toss it into the stands as I get set in my new home in center field. Maddy always had the speed on me. Now that she's gone, it only makes sense for me to cover the most ground. 

Locking in, I watch as Taylor goes into her first windup before there's a sharp liner to Carly at short. Easy up and down, that's one. Maybe I'll get out of her in time to catch Christian's full game. Resetting, I lock back in, taking a quick glance at Nat seeing her locked in as well. She looks like she's settling in well. 

After Taylor gets a 3-2 count on the next batter, there's a nice and easy blooper for Nat to grab. "Atta way Nat, there's two," I call out, keeping the energy and hyping her up. She shoots me a quick smile before we both lock back in, ready to get three. 

Taylor and batter number three have quite the battle before she finally issues a walk pulling up their clean-up batter. No harm done; we've got plays at one and two. Resetting, we all get locked in for batter number four. 

2-2, and there's a drive to deep left-center. Shit, that's a dicey spot. I've got the better position on it, though. "Ball, ball, ball," I start yelling, getting progressively louder as I make my way under the ball. Calling people off is common practice, and as the center fielder, if I say that I've got it, I've got it. At least, I thought that was common. As I approach the fenceline, Nat and I collide, and I fall hard onto my right arm and into the fence. 

"Oh my god, Jai!" Nat exclaims as I feel the pins and needles down my arm and to my fingertips.

"Make the fucking play, what are you doing?" I all but yell at her, not wanting to deal with this right now but knowing the ball is still live, even if I'm down. Holy fuck, this hurts. Closing my eyes, I ride the initial shock and pain out as I lay on my back on the field. This fucking sucks. Holding my left arm over my face, I do my best to not show how bad this is right now. Just breathe, Jai.

My heart is pounding in my chest as the anxiety of what I know is a season-ending injury hits. When I thought about being done in time for Christian's game, this isn't what I meant. Once the pain isn't damn near unbearable, I find it in me to stand up off the ground and start the jog back in as I hold my shoulder, meeting Ken and the trainer halfway. 

Attempting an arm circle, I wince as I approach, knowing that I've torn something, "I'm out, my shoulder is fucked." 

Ken looks at me a moment before nodding. He knows damn well that if I could muscle through this, I would. "Dammit," I hear Ken mutter under his breath as we head back into the dugout, and Janelle and I head back to the clubhouse. Little did I know talking about Maddy's last dance, it'd be mine as well. 

"Fuck!" I yell, as soon as the clubhouse door is shut. "God, fucking, dammit!" I yell, slamming one of the locker doors shut with my left hand. This is fucking bullshit. This is my first major snap, and I can't even fucking snap that hard cause my dominant hand is fucking dead. Kicking over one of the benches, I let out a scream, beyond pissed that this is happening right now. Of all the ways to have ended my season, it's something as stupid as a replacement not knowing the basic fucking rules of the game. Centerfield is the boss of the outfield. If I call the ball, I have priority. That's how we avoid shit like this. 

Janelle just watches as I get through my snap. She's seen a few before from a couple of us so she knows to just let us get it out of our system. Injuries happen, but that doesn't make them any less frustrating. My case maybe even more so seeing as I've been at the top of my game this season. My average has not slipped below .900 this whole season. I have not had one strikeout this year, and that streak ends like this? What the fuck?

"Fuck," I all but scream one last time. Shaking my head a moment, I catch my breath as I look back to Janelle. She's got an eyebrow raised with a slight smile on her face as if to ask if I'm done, "Sorry." 

"Don't even worry about it," She replies, shaking her head as she waves me off, "Are you good?"

"As good as I can be, I guess," I reply, following her into her office so she can check me out.  

The two of us go through the motions even though we both already know it's a little more extensive than she'll be able to diagnose. As great as she is at her job, tendons are a little more extensive than her scope of practice to diagnose and treat. 

Janelle grabs a bottle of Advil and tosses it to me, "Sorry, I can't give you anything better."

Shaking my head, I brush it off, "It's fine. I'm not worried about it." Taking the three tablets, I swallow them down with a bottle of water. "Would you mind grabbing my phone for me?" 

"Of course," She replies, setting the bottle back down as she heads back out to the locker room. Sighing to myself, I rest my head back as I look up to the ceiling, holding my good arm over my head. Of all the shitty ways to end a season, this is by far one of the worst. 

Of all the dumb mistakes she could've made today, why was it something so simple? It's not even like it's her first game. She's a professional player. This is a basic coach pitch lesson. Of all the ways I knew I was going to miss Maddy, I didn't realize I'd be going out three days later. This fucking sucks.