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lisa quietly ate her noodles, glancing over at the parking lot outside and every two to three seconds. she still hadn't said anything to chaeyoung related to what went down earlier between the two. instead she chose to thrive in the silence and let the situation fix itself. she felt guilty for exploding like a bomb in front of chaeyoung, but she couldn't help it. she felt angry. angry, looking at the hickeys that decorated the milky white skin of chaeyoung's neck. angry, thinking that they were the mark of someone else. angry, thinking about chaeyoung being in the arms of a stranger.
maybe it was her fault for not being clear about her own feelings. maybe it was the fear that chaeyoung would drop her the moment she found out her true feelings. maybe it was the fear of saying it out loud, because she knew the moment she would admit it, everything would change. maybe it was the fear of breaking out of the cage, the one where she felt safe, but where she knew she wasn't herself. maybe it was the fear of being herself fully and not wearing countless of masks and hide behind her facade. maybe it was the fear of finally being true to herself and admitting who she was.
south korea wasn't the most open-minded place after all. . .
the sound of chaeyoung slurping on her noodles made her snap out of her thoughts. her gaze landed on the redhead in front of her and her heart did a little leap.
no, lisa, no.
she quickly shook her head, shutting her eyes tight.
are you crazy?
chaeyoung is her best friend. she is her only friend - her closest one, the only one who has been by her side since day one, the only one who she showed her sketches to, the only one who would listen to her ramble about her passions. . .chaeyoung had been her pillar of support for many years and one wrong move, that pillar would crash and burn. she didn't want that. she didn't want to lose their friendship, it was too precious to her.
these can't be actual feelings - the female couples in movies must be getting to her head.
"i'm sorry,"
lisa's eyes fluttered open. chaeyoung didn't look at her, however hearing her friends apology must have caught her off guard based on her facial expression. it was like her whole body froze for a few seconds with her eyes stuck on the ramen noodles in front of her as her lips parted, but didn't move to say anything else.
"i shouldn't have lashed out like that." the youngest continued, tapping her nails against the table impatiently. "it was very immature of me to act like that."
the redhead across from her stood silent, her gaze wandering over to the parking lot outside for a few moments, before their eyes met. lisa bit the inside of her cheek, keeping the eye contact with chaeyoung, no matter how much she wanted to look away.
". . .apology accepted." she muttered after awhile, looking down at her cup of noodles once again and moving them around with her chopsticks.
"what? i don't think i quite heard you!" lisa snickered, leaning over with a hand cupped around her ear.
chaeyoung scoffed, rolling her eyes in response. "i said," she began and leaned closer.
her breath fanned lisa's ear, followed by a very loud "APOLOGY ACCEPTED", which shot into her ear like a bullet, causing her to jolt back. lisa hissed, massaging her ear with her hand before throwing a playful glare at the laughing chaeyoung.
"yah, not cool!"
chaeyoung's melodious laugh filled her ears and it somehow managed to soothe her. lisa cracked a smile back in response, chuckling quietly as she reached for the soda in front of her, taking a few small sips while her eyes wandered outside. the sun was shining even brighter and she didn't know if it was because it was already 12 pm or because chaeyoung was wholeheartedly laughing at her.
** * it was already 3 pm and the two had safely arrived at chaeyoung's apartment. the two were seated on chaeyoung's velvety dark blue couch, with her head resting on lisa's lap whilst the latter played with her hair. she listened to chaeyoung as she finally told her everything. everything that had happened yesterday. from going to the café to study and making small talk with jennie to being woken by lana and joining the two at a pub. chaeyoung said she couldn't remember much from last night and blamed it on herself for having no conscience and allowing herself to drink that much. throughout the whole story, lisa just nodded, trying to process it all in her head. and as chaeyoung continued with the events that followed this morning before she called her, lisa was starting to feel weird. something blossomed within her chest, a feeling she had come across before, but couldn't exactly name it.
choosing to ignore it, she looked down at chaeyoung before speaking: "she sounds like she's dealing with some stuff."
"she is, i can tell. i wish i had known beforehand that it had something to to with her family. . ."
lisa sighed, lightly shaking her head in dismay. "oh, chaeyoung, when will you stop overthinking everything? jennie and you met last night. she was a one night stand. do you know what a one night stand means? it means sex without commitment or future involvement. it means you met her last night and she stays in last night. it's for the best either way, i don't want you getting involved and playing therapist to a stranger with problems."
chaeyoung only stared at her with big eyes in response before chewing on her lower lip. "i don't know, lisa. i can't help it." she mumbled, fidgeting with her hands afterwards, seeming restless. it was as if something still bothered her, but lisa didn't ask. she didn't want to pry in too much, wanted to give chaeyoung some space to organize her thoughts, because she knew that she'd immediately lend her ear when her best friend was ready to talk about it.
however, judging from chaeyoung's demeanour, lisa just knew, she wasn't going to let it slide like this. . . ______ a/n: what do you think about lisa and how conflicted she is?
