𝙈𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 ✰ 𝙈𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞

Thirteen

it was a weird thing, love.

since a young age kairi had always had this picture perfect idea of just what that would look like. he believed in stupid cliche love. he believed in soulmates and true love and love at first sight.
the kind of love you'd read about in books or watch in the movies.

it was very naive, and with time, and experience it became clear to him just how complex love really was.

it wasnt black and white like he previously thought.
it wasnt, if i love them and they love me we live happily ever after.

it was much more complicated.

there was unrequited love. and not the unrequited love portrayed on tv. where they end up together anyway. the kind the breaks your heart, and leaves it damaged beyond repair.

there was also toxic love, where you are so deep in to the point that you are willing to look past flaws. not small harmless flaws either. toxic flaws like aggression and possessiveness which usually leads to abuse either physically or mentally.

and then there was mistaken love, where you, young and so ready to find someone that you mistakenly give your heart to who you think might be the one. when really you're just using that someone to fill a void until the real thing shows up.

and at times kairi thinks thats what mattia is for him. his mistaken love.
he was pretty sure he did love him but it isnt supposed to be this hard.

love should come easy, and realistically it wouldn't be perfect but it shouldnt be like this, when it felt like everything was against the concept of the two together. where ultimately it becomes too hard to fight it and the two give up trying to be together.

or maybe they really did love each other and Kairi was just trying to make himself feel better for breaking them up. maybe be was trying to force himself out of the thought of them two so he wouldn't go back because he was so tempted to.

while mattia was there kairi stood by his decision. he thought he was doing what was best. but when he saw the tears slip down his cheeks as he walked out he realized how real the break up was.

he realized how final it was.
and he started to re think.

was it worth losing mattia?

he was so ready to chase after mattia and beg him to stay with him, and forget the events of that day.
if it wasn't for the voice in the back of his head saying that what he did was right, and in the end either way someone was bound to get hurt but at least this was morally right to him.

and maybe he did cry for an hour straight, until his mother and sister came home. and even then he only stopped because he didnt want to worry them.

so yeah. he missed mattia, it had only been a day but he missed him like hell.

-
mattia was feeling very similar to kairi right now. except his sad faze was pretty much over.

now he was mad. at what? everything really.

kairi. himself. alejandro.

he knew that he acted out badly when he was angry so he locked himself in his room and refused to open it. he didn't open it when his mother came up to tell him to go eat, or when she came back up to bring it to him, figuring he didn't feel good. but he did however, almost open it up when Alejandro came knocking on the dood, but not because he wanted to talk about his feelings or confide in him. but because he wanted to beat the shit out of him.

but he didn't, for many reasons. mostly because even if Alejandro played a huge part he didn't want to take all his anger out on him. especially considering that he was his brother.

so he stayed in his room, shut out from everyone else and left with just his thoughts.

his brain was everywhere, there wasn't a moment where he was left in peace without kairi popping up in his head.

and that made him 10x more mad.

Even after kairi hurt him like he did, and despite him wanting with every fiber of his being to hate him, or at the very least get over him, he couldn't bring himself too.

all he could do was wallow in self pity and wonder what he'd done wrong, to make kairi unhappy. well, not happy enough to fight for their relationship.
and he didn't want to do that. he didn't want to sit around and reel bad for himself, he wanted to get over it. he wanted to find someone else and maybe shove it in kairis face that he'd moved on. even though he didnt.

a larger part of him though, wanted to wait around for kairi to come back.

but he knew he couldnt.

-
"you did it?" alejandro knew the answer. he'd known the minute mattia came into their house with a wet face and bloodshot eyes.

but he needed to break the silence with kairi who hadn't spoken a word since Alejandro came over.

"what do you think alejandro?" kairi glared at him, annoyed.

alejandro was suprised. "ok. ok. do you want to talk about it?"

kairi looked at him like he was crazy.

did he want to talk about his breakup to the person who caused it? fuck no.

and it amazed him that Alejandro would even think he'd be comfortable talking about it with him.

Alejandro was relieved. he didn't actually want to talk about it. he was happy that they were done and thats that. but now that the break up happened he needed to start being nice to kairi. even if he didn't fully forgive him.

he didn't know why he was still so mad at him.

a small part of him wanted his best friend back. how could he not?
at one point this was his favorite person, someone he trusted with everything he had.

but he just couldn't get past kairi and mattia. his best friend and his brother.

it made him so fucking angry to think about them together. just the thought alone sent a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach.

and oddly enough the feeling didnt go away completely after the breakup.

but he could pretend.

"want to just play some games?" he suggested and watched kairi shrug his shoulders.

"whaatever."

-
Authors note
this was just some insight on kairi, mattia, and alejandros thoughts.
more actually important stuff will happen next chapter.

i really really hate this chapter cuz my writing do be trash recently.
i know alejandro is being unreasonable rn and a whole entire asshole for no reason. so i might make him better soon. cuz i love alejandro and i dont want to keep making him the bad guy.
but also i dont know how imma do that cuz he really did too much.
so... much to think about.

and i kinda cant wait for mairi to get back together. and i want the boys to be friends again.
but also angst is my life so we not done😎

Lastly. i literally feel so bad for taking forever to update 😔 ill try and be quicker but i'm lazy as fuck and i get writers block so easily. like theres short moments when i can write but for the most part its bad  💀💀

anyway. ill try and get the next update up soon 🙃
Axx