Jailbird

~Part 2: Chapter 3~

~A Few Weeks Later~

I was running out of time.

Standing in my room in front of my vanity, I slowly peeled up my nightshirt and turned to the side.

My stomach was finally taking on a curve to it and I had to stop wearing tight clothes. It was a good thing I'd been so consumed in getting my CDA, because it kept me distracted and it kept my mother and David out of my way and out of my space.

A few days ago made my four month mark and I was definitely starting to panic.

Mason hadn't given me an answer and I had to remember to be patient with him. After all, I was expecting him to falsify ownership of this baby inside of me.

Sometimes when I really thought about it, I knew I was a disgusting human being to even have had asked him to do such a thing.

Especially when I could see it in his eyes that he was still in love with me.

I was a horrible person, but I was so afraid of the consequences, that I had to use someone else for my own selfish reasons.

My hand smoothed down my stomach, "I know this isn't right, my love. None of this is even a little bit okay, but your daddy is scary. I am terrified of what that man will do to me if he finds out I accidentally got pregnant."

It was so crazy to think about how this all had happened. On my end, I just had a lot going on and genuinely forgot.

In my defense, Zedlin put too much responsibility onto my shoulders. I had only had sèx with two men in my entire life and in the time span of dealing with the both of them over nearly a year, give or take -- I'd gotten pregnant.

When I talked it over more with Dr. Franklin, I admitted to him that the pregnancy was an accident. He had explained to me that sperm could survive in the body for days after the actual sèx taking place.

Given that I was basically spotting when Zedlin and I had last had sèx, it was a slim chance, but he had told me that the days following women's menstrual cycles, were also when we were more fertile.

It was an accident, timed perfectly apparently.

"Am I wrong for keeping you a secret, my love? Should I just suck it up and tell your daddy the truth and let him decide?" I whispered to myself and the baby, keeping my hands on my tummy.

Silence fell over us and I blew out a slow breath, trying to stay calm.

No matter how much I knew I should tell him, I just couldn't. Zedlin scared me that much, but it was more so because I knew he wasn't ready to be a father.

I was forcing things onto him that he couldn't handle, yet again.

But could I really handle being a single mother and doing this all on my own?

There was so much I didn't know. I didn't know how to handle a pregnancy, didn't know how to handle birth.

I dàmn sure didn't know how to raise a child.

What was I doing?

"Panicking. I am totally freaking out right now and I just need to breathe," I told myself.

And as much as I wanted to stay in the mirror and stare at my slightly outstretched stomach, I willed myself to go lay down.

Ziggy laid at the foot of my bed, belly up and his limbs outstretched. He'd been like that for the past hour, but I just left him alone. Cats were super lazy.