to be so lonely • hs

four years ago

The sound of the television filled the confinements of my small university room, my boyfriend lying under the blankets, all too tired from the 7am lecture he'd just gotten back from.

I picked the blue ink pen out from my pencil cup in the right corner of my desk, then carefully tore a page from my notebook and set it down in front of me.

Looking up quickly, I checked that Harry was occupied in whichever movie he had picked for himself, and began on my letter.

To my dearest, Harry...

I wrote, interrupted briefly by his laughter. He'd asked about an hour ago if he could come nap in my dorm, and while my roommate had been out at work, I agreed. Clearly, his plans of napping were replaced with watching a film I was sure he'd seen a million times.

Tomorrow was our second year anniversary, though it hadn't felt like two years. It felt like so much longer, and so much shorter, all at the same time.

Everything was still so fresh, so happy. And every day my feelings for him somehow grew stronger than they already were. Being with him was still so exciting, and I hadn't yet gotten used to being this content.

I continued writing my letter, careful not to allow the movie to distract me from making sure the words on the paper reflected exactly how i'd felt in that moment. I knew it'd be impossible to perfectly articulate the feeling harry gave me when he smiled and the amount of love I had for him, but it was worth a shot.

Writing it had taken a lot longer than I thought, as I took a few breaks to fully reflect on our last 2 years together. It had taken so long, I hadn't realized his movie had ended.

"What're you working on over here?" Harry asked, leaning his body just a bit over the bed as he placed my pillow under his chest for support. He crossed his arms around it and rested the top of the pillow on his chin, smiling down at me. The curls of his shoulder length hair slipping a bit in front of his face.

I quickly placed my black spiral notebook over the letter and turned to him, shaking my head. "Homework."

"Your notebook is closed." He laughed, reaching over his arm for it, I placed my arm on top of it so he couldn't grab it and swatted his hand away.

"That's because I just finished," I lied, knowing he didn't believe me even slightly, the squint in his eyes giving away his suspicion. "And now i'm hungry." I stood from the desk, placing both the notebook and the paper underneath it in my backpack, then slid it under the desk.

"Breakfast?" He asked, sitting up and watching as I took my hair out of it's pony tail, then reached for my brush on top of my dresser and brushed out my hair.

"Definitely." I nodded, opening the doors to my closet.

I freshened up a bit and changed into an actual outfit, because as much as I'd love to remain in my pajamas pants and large t-shirt, it didn't seem entirely appropriate.

Once I'd finished, we left my room and went off to find breakfast around the campus.

The weather outside was nice, the sun warm on our skin, a cool breeze passing through every now and then. This weather was my favorite, which was unfortunate, because it was quite rare.

"We should work outside today, out by the garden." I suggested. Normally we'd do our studies in the library, which was typically crowded and not very ideal.