to be so lonely • hs

twenty two

I sat outside my boss's door, my hands placed over the folder in my lap, containing A4 prints of the Monet-inspired photos.

My leg shook anxiously underneath me, the muffled sound of Dennis on a call just behind the glass giving me something to distract myself from the impatient silence.

I looked down at the folder again, pushing it open with my index and scanning the image on top, one that had grown to be my personal favorite. Harry lying in the tall grass, the sun catching between two blades, creating a stripe of golden just over his eyes.

Staring at the photos once more, I sighed and shut the folder, adjusting my posture and sitting up, not allowing my nerves to bring myself down. I wanted this, more than anything in the world.

After a few moments, there was a short silence, and within seconds, the door beside me opened, Dennis in front of it with a smile and an extended hand.

I shook his hand and offered the same smile, following him into his office, the door shutting behind us, my folder gripped tightly in hand.

"Liana, how are you this evening?" Dennis made polite conversation as we both took to our seats. Him behind his desk, me in one of the two chairs in front.

"I'm well, how are you, sir?" I returned, my mind drifting as he answered. Dennis Stewart, CEO, Senior Photographer. His name plate glistened, the marbled black stone taking attention from the plain white desk.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking. It's a really beautiful day out— do you plan on shooting this evening?" He asked, spinning slightly in his chair to look out the opened window, the opaque blue sky and the breeze of the leaves in the trees confirming his observation.

"I've got nothing scheduled at the moment, but I'm willing if anything opens." I nodded.

Dennis smiled and spun back to face me, typing something quickly into his desktop, before nodding and moving the mouse aside. He leaned back in the chair and scooted it up closer, "So, what are we hear to discuss, Ms. Belmonte?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath before shifting the seat closer and placing the folder on the desk. "Sir, as you're familiar with from my personal work, I strive to create stills that play off of the idea of masculinity and femininity in our modern society. The idea that a man can be feminine, a woman can be masculine. Things that are considered as such aren't tied down to the circumstances they've been placed in," I explained, prefacing my photos.

Dennis nodded as I continued. "It's something I'm passionate about, breaking this idea that every male shoot needs to be rugged and dark, while photos with women models needs to be very bright, happy, and soft."

"Claude Monet is a famous artist from the 1800s, one of the leaders of the impressionist movement. He was what one would consider a 'masculine' man, as he had a large beard and served as a soldier for some time. Though, interestingly enough, Monet was quite the opposite. He filled his home garden with every beautiful flower he could get his hands on, and painted scenes from his backyard in soft, pastel colours. He surrounded himself and lived his happiest form with things typically considered feminine. Art, flowers, gardening, purples, pinks, just to name a few."

I paused, gathering my words before continuing. It was important to successfully deliver my inspiration before displaying my work, and this meeting meant quite a lot to me.