Words (Lams Soulmate AU)

Andre and Alex

A/N - 🟢

John's POV

I had to sit with Francis at lunch but I played it off like I was in the library. I got a text from Laf asking if I'd seen Alex around and I hadn't so I texted Alex.
Me
Hey, Laf's lookinf for you I'm with francis

Me
hello???
                                                                    read 12:31

That was weird. I brushed it off and put my phone away before Francis could ask to see my texts. When the bell rang I hurried to class and found Alex in his usual seat. He had this weird look on his face and flower was tucked behind his ear. "Alex? Where have you been? You had Laf worried sick. Who's jacket is that?"
"Remember when I said I hated soulmates?" I nodded and Alex met my eyes. "Screw that." My heart sank. He found his soulmate? Why does my heart hurt so much?
"Did you find your soulmate?"
"I think so."
"Who?"
"Andre. John Andre. We had lunch in he courtyard and he gave me this flower because he said it looked as pretty as me." He blushed and smiled. I bit my lip and smiled.
"Lucky guy." I smiled.
"Who?" Alex frowned and I smiled.
"Andre. He's lucky to have such an amazing person like you." Alex blushed and smiled. Class started and I started to draw on my arm. Alex pulled his sleeve down and smiled at whatever was on it. I knew Andre liked to draw and I also knew he liked to break hearts. I didn't want that for Alex but he was happy. I liked it when Alex was happy. When the bell rang I took off running for the bathroom. It felt like there was a pit in my stomach and it hurt. I collapsed in the big stall and started to cried into my knees. Why did it hurt so much? Alex wasn't my soulmate. Was he? The thought of Alex and Andre made me queasy and I gasped over the toilet. I threw up and wiped my mouth. I snuck out of the school and drove home.

When I got there Martha frowned and tried to ask but I dismissed her. I locked myself in my room and stared in the mirror. I hated the man who stared back. He was ugly and disgusting. Why would he even think that someone as beautiful and smart and funny would ever be his soulmate. He's a fool. An idiot. A stupid, ugly, disgusting idiot. Why would anyone love him? His own father didn't even love him. I reached into my desk drawer and pulled out the pocket knife dad gave me for my eleventh birthday. I sighed and pressed the blade in my skin. I dragged the blade through my wrist until there was a thin line cutting through the perfect flower I had spent my day on. As the blood flowed from the cut I felt...like I deserved this. I was finally atoning for my sins. Atoning for being gay. Slice. For falling for a boy with a soulmate. Slice. My soulmate will never love me. Slice. Maybe I'm broken. Slice. Maybe I don't have a soulmate. Slice. I mean why would I? Slice. I'm disgusting. Slice. Vial. Slice. Ugly. Slice. Ma was wrong. I'm never going to do great things. I'm nothing. I will always be no one. "John?" Martha.
"Go away!"
"John, what happened?"
"Nothing. Just...go away."
"John, no. I-"
"I SAID LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Martha fell quiet and I sobbed. "I'm so sorry." I whimpered but she was already gone. I watched my wrist bleed until I got a little dizzy and decided I had to fix myself up. I was able to stop the bleed and wrapped a bandage around my arm. I threw on a hoodie and huffed. I carefully opened the door and peeked out. No one to be seen. I tip toed down the stairs and Martha looked up from the couch.
"Everyone else is asleep. There's cookies in the kitchen." She didn't even look up, I felt my heart shatter. The one person I knew loved me for me wouldn't look at me. "John?" She slowly looked over at me and I sat next her.
"I'm so sorry." I sobbed, falling into her open arms.
"I know. I know."
"I didn't mean to yell at you. I just...I couldn't-"
"Tell me what happened." I told her all about Alex and Andre and she sighed. "That's not a-"
"I know. I know. You say it every time." I sighed, Martha smiled a bit and pat my shoulder.
"Go get a cookie." I got a cookie and brought one for Martha. We ate and she let me lean against her. We talked until dad got home and ran upstairs before he could come in. We huddled in my bed as I drew in my sketch book and Martha fell asleep on my arm. I felt better but the weight of the thought of them together still hurt.