Words (Lams Soulmate AU)

Meltdown

A/N - I have some questions but I'm shooting for ten again get em in guys gals and non binary pals

John's POV

"Laurens!" I looked up from my locker to see Andre storming up to me and sighed.
"Andre."
"You stay the fuck away from my boyfriend, you here?" He growled. Oh, yeah...They made it official last night. I'm just happy that Alex is happy. Martha insists that he's my soulmate but she's wrong. Alex and Andre are dating and Alex is happy. I'm not gonna come between that. Still...there's this feeling in my gut and it hurts. I just have to put up with it. I always have and I always will. I don't have time for it anyway. I have to take care of my siblings, I don't have time for dates and whatever.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't act like I don't see you two. You're trying to move on him."
"I'm not." I sighed, starting to put my textbook in my locker. "He likes you and I don't like him."
"If I find out you're moving on him I swear I'll make your life hell, Laurens."
"I'm with Francis, Andre." I actually haven't seen Francis in awhile. He hasn't texted either. I don't know what to do about it. I'm praying his parents finally take him back to South Carolina. They sent him to NY because he whined and begged after I left.
"Fine. No more driving him anywhere. I don't care if he asks, say no."
"You got it, buddy. I'm late for class." I walked into history and sat in my usual seat. Alex looked up and smiled at me.
"Hey, are you ok?"
"I'm fine." I lied.
"You've been a little distant today."
"I guess I'm just tired." I was tired, I stayed up awhile last night just crying after Alex called me cheering about the good news. Alex nodded and I turned my attention to the board. I soon got board and started drawing on my arm. When the bell rang I wasted no time in hurrying to my last class.

"Hey, John." Alex smiled as I walked out of school.
"Hey. I can't give you a ride home."
"Why not?" He frowned.
"Because I can't. Just get a ride from your fucking boyfriend." Alex's eyes widened a bit and he bit his lip.
"Andre is busy." He mumbled.
"Then take the fucking subway. I'm not your fucking chauffeur, Alex." I spat, Alex stopped in the parking lot and tears welled in his eyes.
"John, I'm sorry if I-"
"Just fuck off." I stormed off, leaving Alex to cry by himself. I've never been good with articulating my feelings so it's no surprise to me that I fucked everything up. Great.

"John! How was school?" My father asked when I got home, I winced a bit and looked at him.
"Fine, I guess."
"I feel like I never see you anymore." He chuckled, clearly trying to joke with me.
"Cause you don't." I grumbled.
"Excuse me?"
"What? Did I tell you the truth, dad? Does that make you mad?"
"I don't know what's gotten into you but this is not the John I know."
"You know what? You're right. You don't know shit about me, dad. Ever since mom died it's been about you. 'John, stay home and watch Mary'. "John, make sure Martha gets to her science fair'. I do every-fucking-thing for everyone in the house so you can go to work and do whatever."
"I provide for this family."
"Yeah? Well, you didn't provide for us when we needed it the most. I had to comfort James! Henry fucking hates me! Mary doesn't fucking understand and to this day still asks for mom!"
"Do not speak of your mother."
"Don't speak of her? Are you fucking serious? Are you still pretending that it didn't fucking happen? She's dead, dad! Mom is dead! Move on!" I had tears in my eyes now.
"You're disrespectful and you never even cared!" Dad spat back.
"I never cared? I've never had time to care! I've been doing everything for you! I take care of everyone is this fucking house and what do I get for it? Nothing! Not even a pat on the back or a fucking thank you!"
"Go to your room."
"No."
"Excuse me? You don't tell me 'no'. I am your father-"
"Are you? You're never fucking here! You don't know shit about me. It's all about the next case!"
"I know plenty about you, John."
"Like what?" I folded my arms and he shifted.
"You like that Peggy girl."
"Are you serious? She's like a sister to me. I told you that. I don't even like girls. I'm gay and it doesn't even matter how scared I was of telling you because you'll forget in a fucking week!"
"John-"
"Don't 'John' me. You lost that fucking right when you abandoned me."
"Abandoned you? How did-"
"You just left us to fucking deal! You know what? Forget it. Fuck this and you." I stormed out the front door and went to my truck. I realized I left my keys on the coffee table and huffed. I went to the park and flopped on a park bench. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I started to cry and that quickly turned to ugly sobbing. I took out my phone and sighed. Martha had texted me a bunch and I huffed. I tossed my phone on the bench next to me and pulled my jacket tight around my body. After about an hour I went to the subway. I knew where I was going but I didn't know exactly how to get there. I figured out the train to take and quickly got on so I would miss it. I spit me out on a familiar street and I hurried to the door. I knocked and waited hopefully. The door opened and a very tired James stood in the doorway.
"Laurens? It's like eleven o'clock at night. What the he-"
"Can I talk to Alex?" James sighed and stepped out, closing the door behind him.
"Look. I'm sure you're here to fix it out something but no. I finally got him to go to sleep and I have no intention of waking him up. I can tell him that you showed up but other than that?"
"Can you just tell him to meet me in the library tomorrow morning?"
"Sure but he might not wanna talk to you."
"Thanks." I smiled, I started to leave and James sighed heavily.
"John?"
"Yeah?"
"What ever happened with your dad...just talk to him."
"H-How did you know?" My eyes widened and James smiled a bit.
"I was twelve and I started the stupid fight. He packed his things that night and we haven't heard from him since." I looked at the ground. "I keep thinking that...If I hadn't pointed it out he'd still be here." I nodded slowly and James went back inside. I bit my lip and started back toward the subway.