Slow Down, Fast Girl

The Basics

New school, new friends, new teachers, new everything. Now 7th grade is the typical age that adolescence begin to wonder about sex. Amongst other things. My Aunt never gave me "the talk." She would say, " That type of thing shouldn't be on your mind at this age." Let's be serious here. Sex was in movies, tv shows, magazines, topics in classrooms amongst your friends and Facebook .It was literally everywhere. It was her responsibility to talk to me about sex. Give me a clear understanding of what it was and what it was about. How to be safe and responsible when it came down to it. Whenever anything to do with a boy came up and my name was in it, punishment. That's all I got. I stayed on punishment for being human. For being curious. All I wanted was answers to the questions I had about the opposite sex. I basically had to navigate through life on my own. With no wisdom or insight from my Aunt. Maybe that's how she was raised. In return that's how she raised me. To figure it out on my own. I was punished for having a conversation with a boy. For holding a boys hand. Instead of punishing me for being human, why didn't she educate me? If I still made bad choices after being enlightened on the matter. Maybe it would've been fair to punish me. The thing is, she never even tried to explain sex to me. So I learned about it the best way I knew how. She literally sent us to church but she never went. The only time she came to church was to embarrass me. She told Johns(my boyfriend at the time) mother he was no longer allowed to communicate with me or sit next to me in church. She made sure that we followed through with her orders. She had Akyrah and Janay watch my every move. Throughout middle school was a constant struggle for me. I damn near was on punishment the entire time. I was not the only child in that house. She had her own daughter(Akyrah) that was around my age. She was older and she never crossed examined her like she did me. Just because I actually showed interest in the opposite sex she punished me. Her daughter didn't so she allowed her to go through these same stages unnoticed. I became the black sheep of the family who's mind was always on boys. I talked too much and was too fast. I was living the life of a caged bird. I wasn't allowed to do anything but go to school and church. At school. I was free from everything. I could be happy. I could be inspiring. Helpful to others and they would help me. I was a completely different person at school. I was just me. At home, I was a prisoner. At church, I was an observation. Constantly watched and checked in on. I hated living in her house. I hated being around her children and I hated being around her. Only because they never tried to understand me. They just tolerated me and treated me however they saw fit. As if I had no emotion or feelings. I would have to wake up an hour before I had to get ready for school. Blow dry and curl my aunts entire head. Everyday for 11 years. It was the most difficult challenge of the day. Not only was she older and going through menopause. She sweated in her head. So I had to keep her hair dry as well as try to curl it and make the curls hold. Sometimes I was so tired I would close my eyes just to rest my eyelids. Burning her scalp in the process. Everyday after school I had a routine. First, check the mailbox. Secondly, look for her as well as my uncle. Find them, give them the mail and speak to them. Then I had to make her king sized bed up. Empty the trashcan located in her private bathroom. Pick her bedroom floor and too select two rooms out of the house to pick. As well as my own room. If you're confused about what it means to "Pick" a floor. Allow me to elaborate. It's when you get on your hands and knees. Pick up any crumbs, lint, or trash that may have fell on the floor throughout the day. I had to clean the main bathroom which was so old and disgusting. The tub had black mold around it so bad you could see the wall behind it. The tub walls would rise out and flatten back in as the shower steamed. The mold just grew viciously. If you had to clean that bathroom. You had to clean that mold. With no gloves might I add. The other chore was to clean the kitchen. You had dishes in the sink from earlier that morning. Dishes from that evening and dishes from whatever was cooked that night. It didn't matter whether you made them or not. If it was your day you had to clean them. You also had to sweep the floor and scrub down the stove. Those are the things I had to do around the house on top of my school work. I was never allowed to go anywhere or to anything outside of school functions. She made me rebel. I had no other choice. She would take my laptop and my phone. My biological mother paid for it and sent it to me as a gift. I felt as though she looked for reasons to take the little joy that I did have. Half of the things she put me on punishment for were unreasonable and stupid. Things that she could've talked to me about. Versus yelling, cursing, whipping and putting me on punishment for. So the more she put me on punishment. The more I hated her and everyone else in that house. As far as Akyrah and Janay, most of the time they exaggerated the truth. If I did something, they made it seem 10x worst than what I really did. My Aunt always believed them. "Why?" Cause she birthed them and they wouldn't lie to her. Like the time Akyrah and I got into a fight in Janay's room. I whooped Akyrahs ass and they both lied and said I kicked Akyrah in her face. My aunt told me that if she ever heard about me putting my feet on anyone she would kick me in my face herself. They came back to her out of guilt and told her the truth. She must've felt bad because the next thing I knew she was apologizing to me for what she said. The point is, they lied on me. She always believed it because they were her children. That made me hate my aunt a little, bit, more.