How did it come to this?
Loyal to her family, her lands and her people, Théadain, the illegitimate daughter of Théoden, King of Rohan, has little concern for the world that lies beyond her familiar grasslands. When all that she loves is threatened...
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Chapter 61
"Théadain?"
Aragorn's soft murmur of her name drew her eyes to his face as she twisted the ring through her fingers. She could see the question in his eyes, though he had never voiced it in words.
"I..." She huffed out an unsteady breath, glancing down at the grey gravel beneath her feet and scuffing the toe of her boot through it thoughtfully. "Aragorn, my choice is certain – it is yours that I question." She admitted softly, raising her hand to halt him as he opened his mouth. "I need to be sure you have considered..." She swallowed thickly and reached to catch the chain around her neck, her fingers fumbling under her hair before his sure hands stilled them, gently unfastening the chain for her and letting her slip it from her neck. Carefully, she caught the ring in her palm and laid it on the stone wall they stood before.
"Have you truly thought about this? About me?" She whispered after staring at it for a long moment, "Aragorn, I... You are asking me to be your queen and I am so afraid I would be terrible as one... And very likely a terrible wife." Running one hand through her hair she shook her head, fighting against the emotional waver in her voice; "I am stubborn- I could not vow to always obey you. I have none of the grace or talent a queen should have, I don't leap at the prospect of giving you heirs because the thought terrifies me – and even if I did, I would likely be an awful mother because I barely know what it is to have one. Yes, my blood is half-noble but a king's bastard is nothing remarkable – I don't know nearly enough about how I should behave because I am a soldier." Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed her palms down hard upon the stone wall to ground herself, "I would embarrass you... I don't know a thing about politics or leading a Kingdom – I know war and horses and swords. Even if we survive this war, I won't live as long as you will; I don't even know if I would survive bringing your child into the world, and if I do – if I live out all of my years by your side – I will still go before you do."
Pausing for breath, she fisted her hands where they were braced on the wall before her, blinking rapidly as she stared down at the Ring of Barahir. "I am not worthy of you, Aragorn."
A tiny, aching part of her – the part that knew she would inevitably fail him in some way – hoped she had persuaded him, hoped she had made him see that she did not deserve this life he offered her. The part of her that knew it was easy to refuse something she knew would be taken from her anyway, whether in this awful war or when he finally realised that she was not what he needed.
Though a much larger part of her so desperately feared that she had pushed him away in the same way she had done when he had found her in Edoras. The sentiment was much the same though, the hope that driving him away from her would keep him safe. Not from a physical danger this time, but safe from the regret of choosing to spend his life with the wrong person. Still, if she had succeeded in doing so once more, she did not think she could survive that heartbreak. In her heart she knew that she had never wanted anything as much as she wanted to stand by his side for as long as he wanted her.
