Battle Scars - USWNT

Chapter 7 - Weirdo

Luke's POV

I woke up feeling an intense pain in my stomach.

"Fuck" I mumbled after remembering my injury and looked at it in the mirror. It looked worse than before, I might need to go to the doctor.

Trying to ignore the pain I made my way downstairs and saw a note in the kitchen table.

"We went to practice and didn't want to wake you up. Eat some breakfast, we'll be back soon.

PD: a package came for you, I think you know what it is.

Love you, Ash and Ali"

I smiled and looked at the package that was next to the note, quickly opening it and seeing the binder I ordered.

Quickly I ran upstairs and tried it on.

"Well, this is kind of hard to put on" I said struggling a bit but finally managing to put it on. Quickly I put a shirt on and looked at the mirror.

"Oh my god" I whispered. Finally I can stop walking like a 70-year-old with back problems.

It's been a while since I looked at my body and liked something. There's still things that I hate like my hips and I still wasn't a fan of my face, it was too feminine... but hopefully I'll be able to get on T soon. Another thing that I wasn't a fan of it's my height, and it's mostly because of how many people say that guys have to be the "tall one" in straight relationships, and that makes me very insecure, cause I don't mind being the short one, but would the girl that I like mind? I know that if I date a guy I won't have that problem but I'm not gay, I'm bisexual, and I can't decide to only like boys, and I don't want to either, girls are way better.

Shaking off those thoughts, and still having my binder on, I decided to practice a bit with my guitar, I haven't played since I got here.

I took my guitar from its case and sat on my bed, looking at the mirror that was just in front of it, still looking at myself amazed by how flat my chest was.

I started to strum it slowly and started to sing one of my favorite songs.

"When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eyes

You're just like an angel, your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather in a beautiful world

I wish I was special

you're so fucking special"

I sang the first verse with my eyes closed, imagining my future self, I finally had hope I was going to get better, I was going to finally love myself. Slowly I opened them and looked at the mirror before starting to sing the chorus.

"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here"

I remembered the nights of crying myself to sleep, feeling like I didn't belong in this world. I still feel like a weirdo... but slowly I'm starting to embrace that word, and hopefully one day I'll look at myself in the mirror and smile, thinking that being a weirdo was never a bad thing.

"I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control

I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice when I'm not around

You're so fucking special, I wish I was special"