Battle Scars - USWNT

Chapter 32 - I shouldn't care

Luke's POV

I had just gotten home from the date. As I was walking upstairs to my room, I heard a noise behind me and I turned around.

"Hey" Mal said, going upstairs to where I was and walking beside me as we went to my room.

"I thought you would've been sleeping by now" I said as we sat down on my bed.

"I was waiting for you to come back" she said smiling at me cutely. "I know it's a bit late but I was hoping to spend some time with you before going to sleep"

Mal, stop doing this to my heart. I was just in a date with Alec and fully making out with him and now you're making me wonder if your lips taste better than his.

NO.

Luke, stop these thoughts goddamit.

"That's very sweet of you, thank you" I said shyly.

"How's your friend? Is he doing better?" she asked, seeming genuinely interested.

She's making me feel even worse about the fact that I lied to her.

"H- he's better, yes"

"That's good" she said, smiling softly at me.

"Mm so, what did you want to talk about?" I asked her, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly. I'm so bad at maintaining a proper conversation it's ridiculous.

"Oh, nothing specific. I just wanted to get to know you more. I know tomorrow we're going to take a walk but I like having conversations at night, I think they're the most intimate and genuine" she said.

I also love having conversations at night, we have so much in common...

Stop, Luke.

"T-that's nice"

Is that all you're going to say, Luke? Pathetic.

"It's fine if you don't want to, though"

"No no, I do want to" I quickly said.

"Okay, I'll start then" she said, probably noticing my awkwardness. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Mm, I don't think I have a favorite one, but I love the Harry Potter movies, and any animation movie" I said shyly. I've been told a few times that watching animation movies is for kids and I'm hoping Mal doesn't think that.

"I love animation movies!" she said excitedly and I let out a sigh of relief, smiling at her answer.

She's so cute.

"Mm it's my turn I guess" I said, thinking of what to ask her. "Do you have a favorite song?"

"Let me think" she said and took a little bit of time before finally answering. "Probably Battle Scars. I love the song but I also just love the concept of scars. It's like, every scar has a story behind it, of course some have a deeper story than others but nonetheless there's a story" she said.

I can't do this.

The last time I talked about scars I ended up making out with Alec.

"I- I'm a bit tired, I think I'm going to go to sleep" I said, trying to end the conversation as fast as possible.

"Oh, of course. Can I ask you one more thing, though? I've been wondering something since I met you" she said and I looked at her expectantly, but a bit scared. She's not going to ask me if I'm trans, is she? I mean, she did meet me when I hadn't even started testosterone so maybe she has noticed all the changes an-

"Are you dating anyone?" she asked, interrupting my thoughts.

Oh. What?

I looked at her surprised, not expecting that question. She has been wondering that since she met me? Why would she...?

"I- what? why?" I all I managed to say.

"I- I don't know, just curious" she said, shrugging and starting to look around my room, avoiding looking at me.

Well, what do I answer to that? If she would have asked me this a few days ago I would have simply said no, but I literally just had a date and had my first kiss...

"Yes"

"Yes?" she asked, looking at me again with a look I couldn't figure out.

I nodded my head.

"Oh. That's nice"

Why does it seem like the situation is very awkward suddenly?

"A-are you dating someone?" I asked her, returning the question.

"No, I'm not. I thought I had a chance with someone but he's taken" she said, her voice filled with sadness.

Well, my heart just broke a little. I don't like seeing her so sad.

"You'll meet someone else, anyone would be lucky to date you Mal, don't be upset over a stupid boy" I said, even though I didn't want her to date someone else, not if it wasn't me.

Luke, you're thinking like an asshole, don't do that. She deserves to be happy and clearly that happiness is not beside you, so get over it. The only person you should be thinking about in that way is Alec.

She let out a chuckle before speaking.

"Maybe if you knew who I'm talking about you wouldn't call him stupid" she said, confusing me.

"Do I know him?"

"I think you do" she said playfully and got up the bed. "Anyways, I'm going to sleep, goodnight Luke"

She gave me a quick hug and left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I know him? I literally only know two boys and I don't think Mal knows them, or does she...?

She doesn't like Matt, right?!

I doubt it, she wouldn't like someone like him.

But why do I care about who she likes? It's not like I have any chances with her and I'm dating Alec. I shouldn't care about Mal's love life.

But I do.

Ugh. I'm going to stop thinking because I'm going to end up jumping out the window.