my heart ached as i listened to him sob on the other end of the line. i couldn't remember a part of that phone call where he wasn't crying his heart out, and it made me feel awful. i didn't think he would get this upset. i didn't think it would hurt him this much. the call had lasted over an hour now, and most of it was him weeping and desperately trying to change my mind.
"sean, please, listen to me. this isn't permanent. it's just until college is over." i heard him sniffle and choke on his tears. i felt my heart begin to break even more.
"you say that now, but college doesn't end for another two years. by that point you won't want me anymore." i wanted to go to him and hug him so badly, but he was in a completely different state to me. that was the whole reason i was suggesting that we take a break. the distance was making things really difficult, and the fact that most of the time we were too busy with work to even call or text each other.
"of course i'll still want you! i'll never not want you! the distance is just making things really hard for us-"
"if you really loved me you'd see past the distance." i grew more upset and angry at his comment. i'd already cried out all of my tears, but my eyes were beginning to gloss over again.
"i do love you..." i whispered.
"clearly not if you're dumping me like this."
"i'm not dumping you! we're just taking a break!"
"you think it hurts any less?! i'm losing my fucking mind right now ethan! there is no fucking way i'm gonna survive college without you!" at not one point during this conversation did i want to argue with him, but that's what it was very quickly turning into.
"you'll be fine! we don't even go to the same one and you never talk to me anyway!"
"that's not my fault! it's not like you ever try to strike up a conversation with me! why do you expect me to always message first?!"
"i'm busy too sean! i don't have the time!"
"oh, but you have the time to hang out with all of your college friends that i always see you posting about." i looked down at the ground in shame, realising that he had a very good point.
"okay...you're right about that. but i just really wanna make and keep some friends whilst i'm here, so i'm spending a lot of time socialising with other people. surely you understand?"
"not really. i have one friend here who i only talk to in class. all of my free time i spend studying and sleeping. i'm lucky if i get 5 minutes to give you a ring."
"how the fuck do you study so much? you're taking a degree in hotel management, that's so fucking easy!"
"yes, but there's a lot of tests that i need to revise for."
"why do you care so much? you don't even want to work in a hotel. you told me yourself you only took the course because it's easy."
"because i want to do something good for once in my life! i want people to be fucking proud of me!"
"proud of you for what, getting the rights to run the hotel that you're never going to own?!" he stopped speaking and the call went silent. he didn't know what to say anymore, and neither did i. i knew i had to wrap up this call soon.
"sean...i'm sorry. i really am. but deep down you know this is for the best." it took him a few seconds to reply, letting out a small cry before he did so.
"yeah...i guess so..."
"we can talk again once this is all over. i promise." he started to sob softly again.
"you're so amazing eth. in every single way. i just know people are gonna be chasing after you, and you're gonna find someone new." it hurt to hear him say that. did he really think i was that disloyal?
"that's not true. that won't happen." i heard him let out a weak, sad chuckle before sighing.
"yeah. i'm sure it won't." now i was crying. i let tears escape my eyes, fall down my face and drop onto my phone screen, blurring sean's contact name. like i was blurring him out of my life.
"i love you sean." i whimpered, knowing he'd assume i didn't mean it. i never got an 'i love you too'. i never even got a goodbye. after i finished speaking he was deadly silent, before i heard a dull beeping noise echo around the room. he'd hung up. and that was the last thing i ever said to him.
YOU ARE READING
high school sweethearts | cranksepticeye
Fanfiction{sequel to 'feelings'} it's been 10 years since sean and ethan's romance blossomed. it's been nearly 8 since that romance died out and the two parted ways. sean has forgotten, ethan is trying to find someone new, but failing miserably. now both men...
