The Storm Queen | Game of Thrones

Twenty Three

Cassana

He and I sit together by the cliffside, as we so often sat together on the hills of Winterfell. The weight of this past year on our shoulders.

"The last thing I expected was to find you here," he says, his voice deeper than I remember. "You escaped."

"I did," I say, pushing the awful memory from my mind. "I wanted to go North but there were guards and-"

I trail off as he reaches over to the space between us to squeeze my hand. "You're here now," he clutches my hand in his. "We're here now."

There are a thousand things I want to say to him, but in the end there is only one "Your father, he was not guilty of any treason, the only thing he was guilty of was knowing who Joffrey's father is."

A heaviness settles over us. "I know, I've heard reports of what happened but - but I want to hear it from you."

I know understandingly and force myself to recall how it all went wrong. "For a while everything was alright, Ned did his job and I did mine while trying to figure out a way to remove Joffrey as heir. Then Ned stumbled too deep into Jon Arryns research, and found out the truth."

"How long had you known for," he asks and I struggle for an answer. "Long enough you warned me before you left that it could end in war."

"I had my suspicions, I had figured out they had some part in Bran's fall, and that is when I pulled away from you," I explain to him. "But the incest... that was harder to prove to myself but eventually they'd each said enough I could put it together. When- when everything happened with Jon Tyrion was furious, it was Jaime who told me we don't choose who we love."

He goes stiff beside me. "Tell me honestly what changed between us that you fell for my brother."

If there was anger in his voice it would be easier, but there's only a desperation for the truth, for an answer.

"I'd enjoyed Jon's company, found him different to anyone I'd met and perhaps the situation between the two of you reminded me of Joffrey and myself. The heir and the outcast. Especially with how he was treated by everyone, it reminded me of myself and I became protective of him," I try to explain, for the first time really picking it apart myself as to why it happened. "Then Bran fell and everything changed. The moment I had my suspicions I couldn't look you in the eye, somehow for some reason that wasn't the case with Jon, I don't know why. I realised quite quickly that my mother would do anything in her power to prevent the truth from coming to light, would do anything to keep me from you and that Tywin would use me as a pawn in whatever would be to come and I sought to protect myself from my own heart without considering yours. I was self destructive, looking for solace in the furthest place I could find from the mess I'd begun to unravel." Looking back, I just want to hit myself. "I was a shit person, I truly shit person. My pride and ego far larger than my dignity. I reverted back into the person I was in Kings Landing, who plotted and schemed and didn't care about herself or anyone else. You had brought out the best in me Robb, but with Jon I let him see the worst of me, the liar and the hypocrite who hated everything, and he didn't hate me for it."

He looks at me carefully. "You thought I'd hate you for it?"

"It turns out what I thought was the worst of me was only the surface," I find myself admitting. "I found the worst of myself in what I'd done to you and now I realise it wasn't Jon who saw the worst of me, not even close, it was you."

I know we're both remembering the fight we had the day I left Winterfell, after I'd slept with Jon.

"You're right," he sighs and looks out to the ocean. "I did, and for a while I did hate you for it." The words sting but they're only the truth. "I never wanted to see you again."