The Power Within || BTS

THIRTY EIGHT

♦Trust Me: Part 2 ♦

Crying in the shower isn't for everyone.

I realised this as I cleaned myself off under near boiling water, hoping I'd exit with relaxed muscles and a quiet mind, when I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes. I didn't let them fall. Call it a force of habit, but I've cried enough today to last me the rest of the week and I wasn't fond of the hotel water so I'd be dehydrated anyway.

As I stepped out of the steam filled bathroom, I noticed the hues of orange and yellow slipping past my curtains and wondered if I should risk missing the sunset to get dressed. I quickly moisturized my skin and threw on a large white shirt and a tracksuit, not even bothering to find my bra, then walked onto the balcony with my phone and earphones. I picked a random Spotify playlist, sat down with my back against the wall to the left of the sliding door, and sighed deeply.

I gazed off into the distance, noticing the sirens and the Korean news notifications blowing up my phone. I snorted, then scowled.

You don't deserve to enjoy a victory you didn't help to achieve.

I sat in silence and took in the ambiance, trying to clear my mind of what happened. I know the second they get back, I'm going to have to hold a proper conversation with them but... I just have so many questions that I'm not ready to hear the answer to. But it's so frustrating to be kept in the dark. I don't know what to do.

Right after the sun dipped under the horizon, a knock on the apartment door sounded. "It's Seokjin. I'm here with chocolate and pain killers, like you asked."

I sighed and walked over to the door, allowing Seokjin to step inside. "Where are the others?"

"Freshening up in their rooms. The swarm caught us all off guard."

Seokjin set the bag of items on her bed, sat down and patted the sheets to invite me to do the same, which I did. I flopped back, wincing at the pain that shot up in my spine and my head.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Seokjin asked, voice layered with soft worry.

I scoffed. "I think the better question to ask is what isn't wrong."

"I came here to comfort you and see what you need us to do, but I can't help if you're being vague with your answers."

I sat back up. "Why do you even care?  I don't have a jewel or powers. All I do is bring the team down. Even Taehyung thinks so and he's been here for just under a week!"

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't have something special inside of you," Seokjin said, shifting closer. "Hoseok and Yoongi know exactly what's going on, and we can ask them about it when you're ready. But you're not the only one who wants answers."

"I don't want answers, I want out!" I stood up and faced the door, not wanting him to see my tears.

Seokjin's jaw dropped. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not needed, I'm a burden, I'm a nuisance, all of you would be so much better off saving the world without me!" I yelled, crossing my arms. "My life has been turned upside down in under four months and I can't deal with it anymore. I'd rather just move back to South Africa and forget any of this ever happened, the fate of the world be damned."

Seokjin walked up behind me, rubbing his hands down my arms. "Tell you what. Let's hear Hoseok and Yoongi out. I know you don't want to leave without answers so you'll need to get them first. Only then will I let you consider leaving."

I turned around to glare at him. "I'm not a child! I can leave whenever I want to!"

"Do you want to?"