The Story Of Sarelle (Twilight)

Chapter 57

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius

So here I end my story, back to the point at which I started my tale. The place my racing legs finally carried me to.

I sit alone on a sheer cliff edge, staring out over the beautiful horizon as the sun sets in front of me. The rough sea air ruffles my hair, causing it to twist and turn violently. I don't feel the bitter cold on my skin, not anymore. Living stone doesn't feel.

Vivid oranges, pinks, and purples are painted across the darkening blue sky, and I feel the fading warmth hit me as the sun begins its journey into the sea. I have seen so many sunsets, but somehow this one seems so significant. The colours may have been more intense now, but the feeling of great change fills me as it has before. The first time being the sunset after my parents left for a Navy ball. It was like it was the trigger for my first jump which happened a month later, sending me hurtling into the unknown. The start of the strange tale I have recounted.

That sunset was the like the warning bell, giving me a chance to prepare myself for the moment when my life would take its turn into the peculiar, the moment when this whole vicious circle would begin. The only problem was that I didn't know that sunset was a warning, or some example of pathetic fallacy that predicted my parents' murder. I was just a child, so I didn't understand that a sunset could mean something other than being a pretty display of nature. Perhaps fate had relied on my lack of knowledge. For since I didn't understand then I could do nothing to stop it. I didn't even think of ending my life that night as I got ready for bed. However, if I had understood what was to come then I could have stopped it by suicide then and there. If only I had, because I could have stopped all this from ever happening. My parents would never have died and they could have had another child, once their grief had ended, and they could have lived a happy family until they were old and grey.

That first jump was one of so many, all of which caused my memory to become filled with many lifetimes of tales, each one saturated with thoughts and feelings. There are some which are the very epitome of happiness, whilst others I prefer to let rot in the dark, nightmarish depths of denial. Those memories are like scars on my psyche - always present, but faded due to time. In my opinion it is both a blessing and curse that, unlike so many others vampires, I am able to recall my human life in brilliant clarity. Able to remember how happy I once was, just as much as I am able to recall the events which used to act as fuel for my nightmares. Nightmares I would now never experience, a bonus for certain but I couldn't help but mourn the fact that I would never have the luxury of sleep to ease my mind. Never again be given the chance to dream.

I look down upon the locket that lies loyally on my chest, "Do I truly regret anything?"

No, my mind answers, unwavering and resolute.

However, as I look upon my dead parents wedding rings hugging the locket from either side, and I really open my mind and inspect the pain my life has caused me; I can't help but wonder if I would change anything if I could. Just as I am certain in my lack of regrets, I know, as I gaze upon the locket containing my parents picture snuggled between their rings, that I would indeed change something. I would have done anything if I thought it would have prevented this moment. I would have done anything to save them, even if it meant destroying myself.

I could never lament over my actions because they had led me to meet wonderful people, but that didn't mean I didn't wish my life could have been different. I wish I had the option to live my life as a normal person. Is it strange to crave normalcy and to want the humdrum daily routine? Is it strange to want the only problems in life to be simple conundrums or financial worries?

It would have been nice to never have had to hide a secret from the ordinary world around me, to never have had to construct a web of lies. I had told so many conflicting stories to hide who I was and what I could do. Now, it has gotten to a point where I am confused as to which lies I have told to each person. When I was human, I didn't know who I was, what I felt, or how I should go forward.