Old Me

55 - Cold Feet

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked my dad. I tapped my foot on the floor out of slight impatience. 

"Well, now that summer is almost over, I thought it was time that you started learning more about the business side of things," he said smiling.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

He cleared his throat and his gaze wandered to elsewhere in the room.

"Tesoro, I'm just so proud of you and I am so...grateful that God has kept you in remission for so long. You are so smart and I know that with what you learned in school you will be able to help run this business successfully--" He stopped abruptly and I realized he was trying not to cry, "I worked so hard to get to where we are now and now that you've graduated you can finally start to use your degree to help with marketing and social media. I just know you're going to make us all so proud."

I didn't know what to say. He was right. He had done so much for me to go to college and supported me and mom for so long. I owed it to him and my mom to make them proud and use my degree to support the family business. My stomach was churning at the thought of him finding out that I was looking for other jobs.

"I'm going to do my very best, Dad," I finally said, smiling to make him feel better.

He cleared his throat and nodded his head.

"That's my girl," he beamed and stood up to pull me into a hug.

I couldn't believe I had ever considered working for someone other than my dad after everything he had done for me.

I kissed his cheeks and returned to my post downstairs where I would begin drafting a strategic plan for marketing.

"What's wrong, Bea?" Teo asked, pulling me from my own thoughts.

"Oh, um nothing's wrong--" I noticed he was cleaning a client chair with Windex and stifled a laugh, "You might want to use the sanitizing cleaner, not the window cleaner."

"Huh? Oh," he sighed when he read the bottle, "I didn't know there were specific cleaners for specific locations. I'm not much of a cleaner."

"I know, I've seen your room," I chuckled.

*******

"Caterina Maria Oscuro, I'm not going to tell you again," my mom said firmly, dripping water onto the floor from having turned her body away from the sink.

I ignored the fit Cat was throwing and continued putting leftover dinner away into containers. When she had finally followed directions and gone upstairs to get ready for bed my mom caught my attention.

"You were just as bad as she is about going to sleep," my mom chuckled.

"Well, the school year just started so she's probably not used to the routine yet."

"You're probably right," she smiled.

"I wanted to ask you a question," I said as I leaned against the counter next to where she was loading the dishwasher.

"Go on," she nudged.

I adjusted a plate inside the dishwasher.

"Did dad say I love you first or did you?" I asked.

She smiled and closed the dishwasher, turning it on.

"Yeah he did, but if he hadn't done soon I would have said it. Did you decide if you love Michael?" she asked me as I followed her upstairs.

"I think so," I said smiling anxiously as I admitted it.

"Well, I think you should tell him how you feel. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with being the first person to say it. Just don't expect him to say it back right away."

 "What do you mean?" I asked with concern.

"I mean," she peered into Cat's room where my dad was reading her a bedtime story, "I mean, that just because you feel that way doesn't mean that he does. I'm not saying he won't love you back, I'm just saying he might not be ready to say it or he might not feel that way yet. I just don't want you to be disappointed is all," she smiled and rubbed my cheek.

I groaned mostly to myself.

"That makes it even worse. Now I definitely don't want to tell him. What if I freak him out and he thinks it's too early for me to say it. We've been dating for like barely three months and I dunno if he's ever said it before...I mean he did have a previous relationship--" I gasped, "Oh my god, or what if he feels obligated to say it back because I did? Mom?"

She laughed lightly at me and hugged me, "Tesoro you can't think like that. Just trust your instincts."

She released me and walked into Cat's room to tuck her in. I grumbled and flung my body onto my bed. 

This is the worst. I feel even more conflicted. My gut has been telling me for weeks to tell him that I love him. And it's almost slipped out several times. But then what if he doesn't feel the same way and wants to break up with me or something?

"Love sucks," I complained into my comforter.

My phone dinged and I rolled over, my heart skipping a beat when I read that the text was from Mikey. I bit my lip as I opened it eagerly. 

(Michael): We still on for date night tomorrow?

(me): Definitely

I locked my phone and stared up at the ceiling. Butterflies filled my stomach as I thought about seeing him tomorrow.