Shut Up & Listen

WABI SABI

Cobe

As much as I hate to admit it, Cole was right. His stupid ass is crazy as fuck, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. I had to try to make up with Oz. He's all the family I got.

I opened the door to Oz's house and didn't see anyone in the living room or kitchen so I went to Oz's room and noticed the door to the back porch was open. I cracked open the screen door to peek my head out and Oz immediately stood up from the table in defense of what I walked in on.

"Cobe, Whatchu doing here man? You ain't call or nothing?" Aside from the fight we had last week, Oz and I are cool, we hardly ever have disagreements and there's never any disrespect, so this shit right here is beyond shocking. I feel completely blindsided and betrayed honestly.

I stood in the threshold of the door attempting to control the emotions that were trying to escape. I wanted to come off as unbothered by the knife in my back, but I'm confused.

"Why is he here?" I ask motioning my hand toward the man Oz is fraternizing with.

"This my house."

"Oh," I chuckled, "what I meant was. Why the fuck are you having tea with the nigga who abandoned me and my momma and didn't care to even show up to her fucking funeral."

"Watch your tone Kwabena."

"Ion live here no more. I ain't gotta watch shit."

"Aight. Sit the fuck down witcho disrespectful ass."

"Why? He got something to say to me? Cuz I ain't got SHIT to say to that nigga."

"Follow me?" Oz directed me back into the house and into the kitchen where all our serious conversations have taken place recently.

"I got something to tell you but you need to chill the fuck out and just listen. Okay?"

"Yeah."

"I been in contact with ya father for a little while now aight. He came to me few years back saying he wanted to be involved in ya life. I told him no. I didn't feel that he deserved it. And I kept my word. I never let him back into your life."

"So why is he here now?"

"We always meet up on Saturday mornings whenever I'm in town. You know, just to catch up. I tell him what you're up to and whatnot. Been doing it for a few years now." I kept a straight face while looking down and my feet.

"Why?"

"Although he doesn't deserve to be in your life, I do think it's right to at least allow him to have some sort of connection to you. You know he would've come around sooner if he could."

Damn. I don't know what the fuck I did in my past life to deserve three explosions in one day. First Lonnie, then Cole, now this shit. I have to say though, this shit here is the most shocking of all.

"With all due respect to you, as my real father, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I couldn't care less where he's been or why he didn't come around. FUCK HIM." I left the room without any concern as to what Oz's response was to my statement. I meant what I said.

I understand his logic, and had this happened before my fight with Cole, or before Lonnie called, I may have reacted differently. But still, Fuck that nigga. Fuck him and fuck Oz for fucking with him. Fuck.

I walk out of the house. I slam the door behind me and stand on the porch for a few seconds just to breathe. I take in my surroundings because I don't plan on ever coming back here after today.

I walk calmly to my truck but once I'm inside, resisting the urge to scream, I settle for a groan coming from deep down in my belly. Sitting in my truck, I can literally feel my entire world crumbling all around me. Each debri causing damage to my vision, dents in my mind, and a fire deep in my soul. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want fuck some shit up. If I was a killer, I'd go beat someone's ass with whatever I could find until my hands go numb and the pain in my heart has subsided. But I'm a simple nigga. In my condition, I just want to be held and consoled and told that everything will be alright. Honestly, nothing brings me back to my core better than a soft ass with warm insides. I want to fuck. By habit I went straight to Lonnie's contact in my phone, but he made it clear that he don't fuck with me no more. I ghosted Mo and I told Cole to kick rocks, so, I decided to call up my peace, Q.