Poems collection -Self harm (trigger warning)

Locked in a box

Mum's taken my blades away,

But I know where they are.

I don't dare collect them though,

For she might see me try.

She doesn't even trust me now,

To be all by myself.

On a day that I am home,

All on my own,

I take a screwdriver

From the kitchen drawer

And rush back to my room.

Never before have I done this,

I'm thinking to myself.

As screwdriver and sharpener collide,

The driver starts to twist.

"How stiff" I think,

Using all my might,

I can't do it,

I'm too weak.

But then the screw is loosened,

And the metal falls away,

A new betrayal has begun,

Between my mother and me.

But I love my dear mother,

I'm sorry for letting her down.

Ashamed, I locked the blade away,

In a small blue plastic box.

Now it sits there on my shelf,

Two days since last touched,

Maybe I really am stronger,

Than the silver in the box.

17/12/14

(It's my birthday tomorrow)