Poems collection -Self harm (trigger warning)

Dissolve

I can feel myself sinking,

Deeply back to depression,

I was doing so well,

Weren't you proud of me?

But I've failed now,

I still have a chance, 

To keep my clean record,

But I'm scared that I can't.

22 is the number of days,

But to me it's counting down,

Counting down to the next

Relapse.

22, 22, 22, 

The number dances in my head,

2 days left, 2 days left,

And the record is broken.

But I feel the pressure building up,

It's just a count down.

It's just a bloody count down,

But you can't read the units.

I close my eyes and

Things don't get any better,

I'm sitting down,

Against the shelf that holds the blade.

I'm hesitating, 

I'm fighting,

But I'm weakening,

I can't do it anymore.

Someone please

Just save me.

I'm dissolving.

22/12/14