Poems collection -Self harm (trigger warning)

Contemplate

I'm asking myself,

Over and over again,

Shall I do it?

Shall I not?

-
"You'll feel better"
"You'll feel better"

Circling around my head,

Bouncing against my skull,

A headaches coming on.

-

I tell myself

That things'll be worse,

If I give in to myself,

But somehow

I can't seem to care,

Whether my life will end

Or not

-

I embrace the fact,

That new things will turn old.
"You'll feel better,
You'll feel better"

But the feeling will grow numb.

-

Soon I will feel nothing,

With a large gash down my arm,

My hip my leg my anything,

It will mean nil to me

So soon.

-

So maybe I'll savour it,

For a moment of desperate need,

But this moment is desperate,

So if I don't do now,

When will I again?

-

1 days 2 days 3 days,

Clean I tell myself.

Everyone is so proud,

But I can't feel anything.

It feels more like a countdown,

A warning message to me

That addiction is getting stronger,

And there's only so far you can go.

-

So run far away,

Into the night,

Where the monsters lay,

Waiting for you

They are

They know how you feel.

-

Abandoned and left alone,

Rotting to decay,

No one listens

No one looks,

They can't see you cry.

-

But the nighttime

It cries with you,

With its starry sparkling eyes

It welcomes you,

When no one else could do.

-

There's a tap on your shoulder,

You turn to realise,

That people have been with you,

With you all along.

But you're too far away now,

To listen to their whispers,

It's drowning in the silence,

Of the night time winds.

-

You've died of fright,

You've died of fear,

You've died of hate,

You've died of love,

Cursing at the world.

You thought was so oblivious,

When it saw you all along.

Its you who's been oblivious,

Drowning in yourself.

Take a look around,

Can't you see,

We all care here and now.

Don't swim in the past,

Don't swim in regret,

Coz it'll bring you down.

-

Be free my bird,

Be free my fellow,

And make your dreams come true.

28/12/14