[GODSFORRENT Special] Seven-Minute Semblance in Quarantine

Quarantine #13

[372A High Street:]

Joyeuse: Okay. It's been an hour.

Edward: Huh?

Joyeuse: You have annoyed me enough and I have to ask: what are you doing with those scissors? You've been walking around with a pair of scissors for an hour and now I have to ask.

Edward: It's been a month and my hair's like in the movie "Harry Potter and the Year Nobody Got a Haircut".

Joyeuse: Goblet of Fire?

Edward: Goblet of Fire.

Joyeuse: Well your hair won't magically get cut if you simply walked around.

Edward: I was thinking if I should ask Futhark to do it.

Joyeuse: You've seen his hair.

Edward: Exactly why I haven't asked him yet.

Joyeuse: Why not ask Arthur?

Edward: Nahihiya ako.

Joyeuse: Ask Lance to ask Arthur.

Edward: Why not Sir Lance?

Joyeuse: When I was 10 years old and had to stay with him for a month, he got annoyed with my hair and gave me a bowl cut.

Joyeuse: He literally put a bowl on my head and traced along the bowl's rim.

Edward: We can't let Sir Lance do our haircuts.

Joyeuse: I'm patiently waiting for everything to be over to get a haircut. I don't trust any of you to give me a haircut.

Edward: Nakita ko na si Sir Arthur ang taga-gupit ni Sir Lance ng mga piraso nung ginagawang laruan ni sir. Maganda naman ang kinalabasan.

Joyeuse: Yes but I don't trust him having self-control. I'm sure he has pent-up anger against me and he'll shave my head without even breaking a sweat.

Edward: Dude ang init ng buhok ko. Gusto ko nang magpagupit.

Laevateinn: (arrives with his hair tied up by a blue scrunchie)

Edward: Lae—

Edward: I have so many questions I don't even know where to start.

Joyeuse: Start with "What the fuck?"

Laevateinn: I have other colours. (shows scrunchies on his wrist) This was supposed to be Lance's gift for Maria but Maria didn't like it. Now I'm using them.

Futhark: (arrives) Nand'yan pala kayo, anong pinagkakaabalahan n'yo?

Laevateinn: Futhark would you like the green scrunchie?

Futhark: Oh, sakto, ang haba na nga ng buhok ko.

Laevateinn: Edward, would you like the red scrunchie because you always wear red?

Edward: No, please no.

Laevateinn: Drama queen, would you like this scrunchie with a purple crown because you're a little bitch?

Joyeuse:

Joyeuse: I won't comment because everything I say will end up with me getting stabbed.

Futhark: Bakit may hawak kang gunting, Ed?

Edward: Balak kong magpagupit sa 'yo, pero bago ang lahat—is your hair choppy by choice?

Futhark: Oh, yes. I prefer the left side longer. Bakit?

Edward: So it wasn't a haircut disaster?

Futhark: No, sanay na akong maggupit sa sarili ko para makatipid.

Edward: Sanay raw maggupit, Jo. Ano?

Joyeuse: (squints his eyes suspiciously at Futhark) I don't trust him not having pent-up anger towards me, thus shaving my head whilst I put my whole trust on his hands.

Futhark: If I had pent-up anger against you, I should've spat on your food a long time ago.

Joyeuse: But you didn't, right?

Futhark: Who knows?

Joyeuse: FUTHARK.

Lance: (arrives) What are you boys doing?

Edward: Reflecting how pretty much everyone hates Joyeuse.

Laevateinn: Do you want the yellow scrunchie, Lance? I have seven scrunchies.

Edward: Sir Lance when do you plan on shaving your beard?

Lance: What's wrong with my beard?

Edward: Nothing, but every time I see you, feeling ko po maglalabas kayo ng espada para kalabanin ang Gryphon na pumepeste sa Camelot.

Lance: Like Sir Lancelot from BBC Merlin?

Joyeuse: Or Jesus Christ, there's actually a fine line.

Joyeuse: The line is that Christ would never say "Fuck you and everything you believe in" to a stranger on the internet.

Lance: HE WAS A FLAT-EARTHER AND A CLIMATE CHANGE DENIER!

Joyeuse: Still.

Arthur: (arrives) Nobody was causing a racket and the house was pretty quiet so I got suspicious and went downstairs here.

Lance: Arthur, what do you think of my beard?

Arthur: Horrendous, why?

Lance:

Lance: You didn't even pause to think.

Arthur: I didn't have to, it was pretty obvious.

Lance: Why didn't you say anything?

Arthur: You didn't ask.

Lance: Do you even love me?

Arthur:

Arthur: Hm.

Lance: WHY DID YOU PAUSE?

Arthur: Hmm.

Lance: Why are you still not answering?

Futhark: Maganda naman po 'yung balbas n'yo, Sir. Bagay po sa buhok n'yo.

Lance: >.>

Joyeuse: Don't believe him, Lance, I heard him tell the cafeteria lady she looks like Scarlet Johansson even though she's Snoop Dogg at best.

Lance: Siegfried, my dear brother, what do you think of my beard?

Laevateinn:

Laevateinn: Do you like the indigo or the orange scrunchie?

Lance: What do you think of my beard?

Laevateinn: I got scared the first day I saw it, I avoided you until I pretended you're Santa Claus's third cousin.

Lance: So that's why you didn't talk to me for a week!

Arthur: Why do you have a pair of scissors, Edward?

Edward: (throws scissors behind him) Poor life decisions, sir.