Desperate for you

Chapter 26

Chelsea POV
I couldn't stay here anymore. When Dylan held me in his hands, I felt... safe. This time I let Dylan hold me. He took me to my room and refused to leave despite my protests. I got emotional again and cried in his arms, my face buried in his chest.

He let me cry though. He didn't mind the fact that my tears were going to stain his shirt. He kept calm and quiet. Massaging my scalp, his hands rubbing circles at my back. It was so soothing.

"You don't have to tell me anything until you are ready princess," he told me still holding me. That was if actually I was going to tell him. I haven't even told my best friends about it and I feel terrible.

I couldn't believe I had seen Ashton. His name makes me want to throw up. I never wanted him to be here, because I know he being here was going to make me hate myself all over again.

I'm so glad I have Dylan here with me. At this point, I'm grateful that he's here and my best friends are in the city college.

At least he's going to comfort me. And me knowing Dylan, he isn't going to leave that easily. I hurting was him hurting and he respects the fact that I'm not ready to tell him anything. 

He took off my shoes and placed me on the bed. "Go to sleep princess. You need it," he said touching my hair. I slept off at the comfort of him stroking my hair.

The last time that happened was when my mum did it to me... and that was in the hospital. when I lost the baby. I could never forgive Ashton for what he did to me. I still can't believe that I trusted him, only for him to use me that way.

My therapist said I should forgive him and move on, but its hard to forgive him and move on without falling for someone else. this was the main reason I was so against the thought of I and Dylan together.

I might trust him and for all I know, he could betray me and the trust I'll have for him and take advantage of me... again.

That thought sickened me.

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When I woke up, I wasn't surprised to see Dylan right next to me.  He was looking at me intently and i knew he wasnt going to leave me if I didn't give him an explanation. I sighed and sat up.

"You are probably wondering what happened out there, aren't you?" I asked him. He nodded in response and I gave a sad laugh. I wasn't ready to ever tell anyone this, but Dylan saw the whole thing and he deserves an explanation.

"Ashton was my ex boyfriend. I loved him so much that I couldn't imagine spending a day without him. I trusted him. I gave him everything. he knew all my secrets, I knew his. We knew everything about each other. What I didn't know, was that he didn't respect the decision I made to remain a virgin. He got me drunk at a party and raped me. He told me to abort the baby or forget about him..." 

"Did you abort?" he asked with nervousness in his voice. I smiled... a sad smile. "No. I lost her. I lost the baby. And that asshole of an ex I had didn't even bother calling or saying anything. Then two years later he shows up and wants to talk to me." I scoffed. Pathetic brat.

"I can't believe he would do that kinda thing to you. He called you Elsie. Was that why you didn't let me call you that?" he asked me and I nodded. I could see that he was angry. 

I didn't blame him. I was angry too. No doubt about that. He touched my arm and looked at me, apologetically. "I'm so sorry Chelsea. I'm sorry for not paying attention that you were hurting... I'm sorry." he apologized sincerely.

I hugged him and he seemed surprised by my gesture, but he wrapped his hands around me shortly. I have to tell Abby and Katy about this. I don't know how long I'm going to last without telling them. things are already bad and I don't want to make them worse.

"Nice save though," I commented and Dylan looked at me, confused. "What save?" "the way you told Ashton you were my boyfriend and you didn't like to share. If I wasn't in so much pain, I would have laughed," I said, smiling. 

"Whatever it is, I'm happy that you're happy princess." He glanced at his watch and looked at me. I got the message and bade him goodbye. I laid on my bed once he left. I didn't want to speak to anyone.

I shut my eyes and tried to sleep, but it couldn't come. I suspected I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon now that Ashton was back. It pained me... it pains me.

I can't run away from the past. Ashton made that clear to me. All the hopes, the dreams we shared. We had with each other in it... all gone... shattered.

And never to return.

I really miss him. I miss how he would talk to me, how things would were fine and how we are amazing together.

And at the same time I hate him, I hate who he has made me become. I never wanted to be this way. I never wanted to withhold myself this much. It's just terrible....

He makes me want to start life all over.

If it was before, I could never imagine thinking about Ashton this way, talking about him like this, despising him the way I do now.

I can be very unforgiving and that’s what I’m going to do… be unforgiving. I’m pretty sure if anyone was in my shoes, they would want to kill Ashton the moment they set eyes on him. I have a future I’m planning for myself and my hatred for Ashton isn’t going to ruin that…

Ashton isn’t going to ruin that.

Thinking about him makes me want to throw up. I want to throw up in his face. I want to torture him so bad so that he can feel the amount of pain I’m feeling right now… the pain I felt at that hospital bed… the pain I felt when he broke my trust…

The pain I felt when I lost that child. He wasn’t even there to help me. He wasn’t there when I needed him the most. He would never be.

At this point I feel like tying him up, putting him in a stick and place him over a fire. I would leave him there for his body to burn, I wouldn’t let him die, but I’d release him when his body is ready to breakdown…

So that he can feel pain, because that’s what I felt, cuz that’s all I’ve known… pain. It isn’t a nice thing to feel. Pain and heartbreak are the two things you would never want to feel in your entire life.

Having Dylan here with me is a blessing. He happened to be here the moment I need him the most… the moment I thought he was the least wanted person I wanted around, Ashton had to show up and I’m more than grateful that I bumped into Dylan because if he wasn’t there, God knows what would have happened.

I always rejected and denied the feelings I knew I was feeling around Dylan. He never left my side and that was enough to get me falling for him. When I tried to push him away, it was simply me protecting myself from going through shit again.

When he made those confessions to me, I felt the same way I felt when Ashton told me similar words, but I felt better.

I think if Dylan doesn’t leave my side for the next 3 days, if he would be by my side to help me fight this…

I might just accept my feelings for him.
And I won’t hide it.

Few chapters left till the end.... stay safe you all.

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Love you all
❤❤✌