Wrong Number, Spidey

Stitches

6

Spidey
Hey guys...
Is anyone awake right now?

Natalia
I am
Why are you awake at 2am?

Wizard
I'm also awake now.

Spidey
Sorry if I woke you Mr Wizard Sir!

Wizard
It's Stark's fault.
He made my notification sound the witch doctor song

Natalia
Pебенок Паук, why are you awake?!

Spidey
Funny story actually...
Do either of you know how to do stitches?
It's completely hypothetical...

Natalia
WHY DO YOU NEED STITCHES?

Spidey
Long story
I'll tell you if I live

Natalia
You are so grounded.
Wizard, you're a doctor, as you always remind us, you teach the child while I figure out how to punish him.

Wizard
Right then, kid
Is hospital an option?

Spidey
Nah I'm too poor
Never liked hospitals anyway

Wizard
Ok then
First you're going to clean the wound and disinfect the needle and thread to prevent infection.
Next you need to be mature and sow your skin back together.
Make sure to have a knot tied at one end of the thread so it doesn't come out.
Don't do a criss cross pattern.
Just straight lines with a spacing of roughly half an inch.
Tie a knot at the other end once you've finished.
Try to avoid stretching them too much or they will break and you'll have to do it all again.
You got all that, Spidey?
Spidey?

Natalia
Pyotr?!
Pебенок Паук?
I swear to god if you're dead I will find whoever killed you, then kill them and everybody else before killing myself!!!

Hawk
Spidey please just answer her!
She just woke me up!!!
Right now I value your safety and my sleep equally so please!
Just tell the crazy Russian lady you're alive so I get my beauty sleep!

Wizard
Don't worry, he's fine.

Natalia
How the Hell do you know?
What are you not telling us?!

Wizard
The clues in the name.

Natalia
You're doing your magic trick again, aren't you?

Spidey
Ooo! What magic trick?!
Can he make balloon animals?!

Wizard
I do not make any balloon animals.

Spidey
So does this mean you won't make me a balloon spider?
:(

Wizard
...
I'll learn for you
:)