When Stars Intertwine

Chapter 33

Anna broke down in tears, why didn't she say something, why didn't she say she loved him too, why didn't she say she was confused and scared. She rubbed her face hard and sighed deeply. Why couldn't anything be easy in her life. Even loving someone was proving hard and complicated. She felt guilty every day for loving him, she felt like a traitor, loving him felt like betrayal to her people.  She knew he loved her, made her happy, made her feel special and appreciated.  No one had ever made her feel like that. But she couldn't shake off the feeling and thought that it was doomed to fail, if they didn't fall out of love, the world itself would tear then apart. Either way she loved him and he deserved the truth.

She took his shirt and threw it on. She opened the door quietly. He was standing at the small porch slanting on the pillar looking out into the dark horizon. She folded her hands and walked toward him. She stood beside him, but he didn't turn to look at her.

"I hate how I feel," she said after a moment. "I hate that I can't even say I love you without feeling guilty, without feeling like I've committed the worst crime in the world." She rubbed her face hard, "The truth is I love you Harry.... I don't think I've ever loved anyone the way I love you....that's why it hurts so much to imagine a future with you, because every time I do, I don't see anything and when I force myself to see something, all I see is hurt and pain."

He looked at her. He licked his lips and pressed them together thoughtfully, trying to think of the right thing to say.

"I...." He started, "I always imagined the day you told me you loved me to be a little happier than this," he paused, "less sad and depressing."

They both remained quiet.  If only she knew how much it pained him that he couldn't hold her hand in public, take her to his favorite places, show her off to the world as his woman, If only she knew how weak and worthless it made him feel that he had no power to get her off the grips of Hawkins. They could runaway, but he knew how relentless Hawkins was, he'd hunt them down for as long as he lived. He needed to do it the right way, a way that he knew was going to be hard and complicated with his daughter Elizabeth involved.  He knew his worries could not be compared to hers. He understood very well why she was conflicted and why she'd find it hard to trust him. He needed to earn that trust from her.

He shook his head and said,
"I don't know what to say to you Anna except that I hope one day you will trust me fully, and we will be able to live somewhere free, a place where there can't be persecution for lovers like you and me. I can make that happen Anna. I've avoided promising you anything because I've made promises to people and failed to fulfill them, but I will fight with all I have to get us out of this mess and this place, I'm working on something, and I have faith in it."

He pulled her in his arms and held her tight leaning his chin on top of her head.

"I love you," she whispered, melting his heart.

"I love you Anna."

From that day on, they started making trips to the lake at least three times a month with an excuse of medical emergencies. It became their second home. They'd swim, she'd cook and do all the things they'd never do at the plantation. They saw patients too, Harry gave her books to read and study. Christine encouraged her to study hard. She had become very suspicious of their relationship but chose not to ask too many questions. If Anna was going to tell her, she was going to do it under her own terms.

                                            ***

Kelvin had just woken up at his usual 6am schedule, the luxury waking up time he had acquired since he started working for Harry. Harry had asked him to work up as late as 7 or 8am but his mental clock couldn't allow him to wake up that late, he struggled to stay asleep by 5:30. he was used to waking up at 3am, 3:30 was considered late.