reminiscence

Twenty -Nine

I was waken up by my mom.
"Hey sweetie" she sat at the side of my bed brushing a stray hair from my face

"Mom?" I said half asleep, only getting a few hours of sleep.

"Its me hunny" My eyes adjusted to see her smiling at me. I sat straight up and wrapped my mom in a hug.

"I've missed you mum"

"Missed you too sweetheart" she kissed my cheek before pulling away. "Haven't seen you in ages"

"I'm sorry I just showed up at your door step"

"You know your always welcome" she flattened my hair  again. Making me wonder what it really looked like.  I ran my own fingers through my hair collecting it into a ponytail.

"Are you ok?" My mom asked watching me

"What?" I yawned being caught off guard. Did Niall talk to my mom too? No he wouldn't. Would he?

"Arabella you haven't spent a night here since you moved in with Hudson" I felt my body stiffen. Maybe he didn't tell her.

"I'm fine mom" I laid back down suddenly wanting the conversation to end at the mention of his name.

"Hudson and I are just fighting. I needed a night away" 

I wasn't lying. I couldn't lie to my mom. She was the only thing I had in my life for awhile. I just wasn't ready to tell her the full truth.

"Oh darling, that's completely natural. Do you want to talk about it? I know I'm not the best to talk to about relationships," she laughed referring to her 4 divorces "but I can listen"

"No mom I'm fine" I smiled at her.
"Ok hun if you need anything I'm here" she glanced at her watch "Well I'm late for work, but you know I'm always here" she kissed my head before walking to the door

"Love you mom"

"Love you more" I said before drifting back to sleep.

What I needed the most at this time.
The second time I was woken up it was by my phone ringing. I ignored it looking over at the clock reading noon. Who needs me before noon? I buried my face back in my pillow to block out the sun.

My phone rang again. Why now? I was just trying to sleep. I groaned reaching for it only to see Hudson's name on the screen. I sat completely frozen as my phone quit ringing. Only to ring for a third time. Fuck. He's not going to give up.

I haven't talked to him since that night. A lot has happened since then. I wasn't quite sure where we stood. I was dreading answering the phone but I knew it needed to happen.

I picked up. Hesitating "Hello"

"Bella what the fuck?" His strict voice bringing tears to my eyes immediately "Why didn't you come home after work"

"I spent the night at my moms"

"I know" he spat as I remembered he tracks my phone "I'm on my way to get you"

"You don't need to-"

"Bella you're coming home to me. Don't fight it" he demanded before hanging up

I sighed placing my phone down next to me. Thoughts of leaving Hudson flooding my mind. I could just pack everything in a suitcase and leave. But I was scared. Where would I go? Niall hates me. Desi's now chasing after Aidan and Connor is to scared to say a word to me. It wasn't as easy as it sounded.

I picked up the picture of  me and Niall that was now laying in the end of my bed. I hesitated hanging it back up on the wall but shoved it in my pocket.

I made my way downstairs sitting on my moms porch. Waiting for Hudson. Looking over at Mauras house I noticed Niall's car. I sighed hoping he didn't see Hudson or I. Another fight with him wasn't something I could handle right now.

I definitely needed to have a conversation with Hudson. Fix things between us.If we were going to continue this he can't hurt me any more. I'm tired of the pain. Maybe there's something I could do better? Maybe we could work this out.

Hudson pulled up. I quickly jumped in the car. Not because I was excited to go home but was hiding from Niall. Hudson said nothing the whole way home. His demeanor scaring me. His grip on the steering wheel tight, his focus never leaving the road.

When we pulled into his driveway he stormed out of the car and into the house. I took a deep breath before following him. Opening the door to see the house in shambles. A complete mess. Chairs knocked over, fresh holes that Hudson punched in the wall out of anger, trash littering the floor, the state of the home was the worst I've seen it and that's saying a lot.

I stepped over a pile of trash to enter the living room. Where Hudson was already seated with a beer in his hand. I was sure it wasn't his first for the day.

"Hudson" I whispered. "Can we talk?"

"Do you know what you have done?" He turned to me with blood shot eyes confirming my suspicion "I have no job Bella" he stood up getting in my face "because of your fucking pub boy that you can't keep your hands off of"

I shook my head. My body filled with a new emotion. Anger taking over my fear. I remember what Niall has been telling me, none of this was my fault.

"It's not my fault you can't keep a job. All you are good at is hurting people" I screamed in his face. My anger boiling over. I began to stomp away towards the bedroom to pack my things. I needed out. I was done. Done with getting hurt. Done with hoping things would get better. Done with walking on eggshells every time I entered Hudson's home. Done with every move of mine being tracked. Done with this bullshit! "We are over Hudson" I took another step only to step on a piece of broken glass. "Shit" I looked down at my bleeding foot that slowed my getaway down.

Hudson was soon in front of me. He pinned me against the hallway wall. Making sure I couldn't move. "We are not over until I say we are over" he spat. He wrapped his hands around my throat pushing me into the wall. I gasped feeling my air supply quickly getting cut off.

"Do you think I enjoy hurting you?" His grip tightened around my throat. Making it harder to breathe.
"Your actions are the reason I have do it" he brought his face inches from mine. "If you'd listen to me this wouldn't be happening." He kneed my stomach knocking any air I had left out of my lungs.

"Your pathetic" my eye sight began going blurry "You think you're the victim?" Hudson's insults ringing in my ear

"Do you think he will ever love you more then I do? You're screwed up it you believe that!" With every insult his grip tightening "No one deserves you" but that's a lie. I deserved so much better. My eyes went black and I fell to the floor with a thump.