reminiscence

Forty-Nine

The smell of sweet flowers took over my senses as I lied in a filed. Surrounded by flowers. A soft plaid blue blanket under me, picnic basket in front of me filled with delicious looking fruits and sandwich.

I hummed bringing a sweet cherry to my mouth sucking before devouring it.

"Taste so good" I hummed letting my eyes fall shut. My head laying on something soft almost pillow like. A lap.

I looked up only to be met with Hudson's eyes. But not in there usual dark shade. They were soft and brown, unfamiliar but comforting.

"Don't do it babe" he smirked brushing my check with his knuckle . A place he has bruised many times but this time his fingers brushed softly against my jawline causing a hum to escape my lips.

"Do what" I teased knowing exactly what he didn't want me to do. My eyes never left his as I tied the cherry stem in my mouth. Using my tuonge to tie the stem into a knot. One of my many talents.

I pulled it out of my mouth holding it up to him with a smirk. He just snickered. Before leaning down hovering his lips over mine.

"You have no idea how sexy that is" he whispered his lips slightly against mine.

"Really?" I teased before pushing him away to sit up straight. My plate of food taking my attention. I finished the last few bites of my sandwich clearing my plate.

"No wonder you're always complaining about your weight... you eat as much as me" he laughed throwing some fruit from his plate into his mouth.

Suddenly the air felt colder. I looked over at the man sitting next to me. The sweet, loving boyfriend gone. He was replaced with the Hudson I knew. The feeling of anxiety finding its place back in my heart.

"I don't eat that much" I mumble now putting my plate back into the basket

"You cleared your plate Bella" he laughed again. But it wasn't funny to me.

My body and weight was something I struggled with and he knew that. Countless nights I spent staring in the mirror before going out, unsatisfied.

My eyes welled up. Felling a tear roll down my cheek as I continued cleaning up the dishes surrounding us. Hudson not helping just sitting there.

His gaze burning against my skin. Casing me to nervously drop the bowl of cherries spilling them between us.

"Fuck Bella why do you always have to cry over nothing" he spat throwing the cherries into the bowl before chucking it into the basket. "You ruin everything"

"I'm sorry" I mumbled watching him stand up looking down at me. Towering over me with fist hung by his side.

"Are you? Because that didn't seem to convincing?" I stood up to somewhat meeting his level but he still was much taller  then  me.

"Do you hear me or you just that dumb?"

I cowered under him as he took a step forward. Crossing my arms and looking at my feet. Words not coming to my mouth.

Before I knew it I felt his right grip on my upper arms. Lifted my feet off the ground. Shaking my violently. Causing me to flail around.

"You dumb fucking bitch" he screamed in my face "you listen to me when I talk to you"

Tears blurring my vision but Hudson's black eyes still pierced my soul.

"Bella!...Bells!"

"Stop Hudson.. I'm listening.. I'm sorry" I screamed my body flailing on the bed instead of in the air

"It's me darling ...it's Niall " I flashed my eyes open seeing Niall hovering over me. Holding my arms down on either side of my head.

My my body froze, relaxing under his grasp. No longer flailing around.

"They are back" I barley breathed out trying to catch me breath.

Niall sighed letting go of my arms. He crawled off of me laying down next to me in bed. I brought my hands to my face rubbing trying to comfort myself. But falling as I burst into tears.

"Bells... come here love" Niall pulled me into him. I curled my body on his chest. Clinching his shirt in my fist.

"I'm so fucking dumb" I sobbed. My body shaking from my tears.

"Shh" Niall hushed "It was just a nightmare"

"No" I pulled my head up looking him in the eyes "Hudson's right... I'm such an idiot. I let people walk in to my life and ruin it with a snap of there fingers. First Hudson now Candy. You think I would fucking learn" I was getting upset now with myself my tears turning into anger.

I pulled away from Niall's arms standing up quickly. Storming over to my drawers in Niall dressers. As I pulled them open all I saw was rage.

"Can you get that through your head Bella!" I screamed at the top of my lungs pulling a pile of clothes and throwing them to the floor "You are pathetic, stupid, overweight! None of theses clothes even fit your fat ass!"

My body was now shaking as I caught my reflection in the mirror. My unwashed hair falling in my face, slightly covering up the now yellow bruises on my face.

My stomach was in full view considering I was only in a bra and my track shorts. My waist slightly pudging over the tight waistband.

"So ugly" I whispered now. All the energy in me burned away from my breakdown.

"You're beautiful Bella" Niall now stood directly behind me looking at the same reflection I was. I quickly brought my arms to my stomach. Trying to cover myself. Forgetting that he was in the room.

"Don't" Niall whispered wrapping his arms around me from behind. Unclasping my arms from my stomach. "You don't need to cover up"

His voice was now barely audible against my ear. The sound of my deep breathing filled the room as I started into his eyes through the mirror.

His eyes bringing my pure comfort and and exactly what I need to calm down. After a few moments of silence I grabbed a stray shirt that I threw around earlier.

"You don't need to say that Ni" I pulled the shirt on covering myself up. Feeling much better now that I was more covered. "Appreciate the gesture but you're just trying to make me feel better"

I began picking up the mess I've created shoving the clothing back into the drawers. Niall picking up a few pieces of clothing.

"I got it" I sighed taking the clothes from his hands and putting them away. I folded them nicely organizing my drawer as I know Niall can't stand when I keep it messy.

I felt his warm presence behind me as he griped my shoulders turning me around to face him. Rubbing his hands up and down my bare arms.

A similar action to what Hudson just didn't in my dream. But Niall's touch was more comforting. Softer then Hudson. It wasn't out of force.

"I didn't just say that Bells... I mean it" his breath tickled my nose as his words left his mouth

Looking into his eyes I could tell he meant it. I know everything he said was always the truth. Unlike me, Niall never told lies between us. But for some reason the statement still surprised me. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him into a well needed hug.

"No was has ever told you that have they?" He held me tighter fixing my messy unwashed hair with his large hand.

"No one that mattered" my cheek pressed flat to his chest. The thumping of his heart filling my ears. It was beating with the same speed as mine.. fast.

We spent the rest of the night cuddled together. Me opening up to  Niall about my nightmare. Something I've never done before. But it felt right. Eventually we drifted off to sleep in eachothers arms.