reminiscence

Forty-Four

Here I sit on Desi couch where I have been sleeping for the past week. Niall not talking to me since the day I stormed out of his moms house. He's been to caught up with Candy to give me the time of day.

"It's 10'o'clock in the morning Bella"  Desi huffed as she sat to my left. She was referring to my open beer bottle in my hand.

"It's 5 o'clock somewhere" I wasn't going to tell her this was my second "plus it's the best hangover cure. Just keep adding booze so the hungover never has time to catch up" I bring the bottle to my lips taking a swig

"Or you die" she yanked the bottle away before it met my lips

"Desi!" I screamed reaching for it back but she fought back. Quickly getting up to pour it down the sink drain.

I rolled my eyes slumping back down into the couch.
"That was the last one too" I whined "you owe me a 12 pack"

"You can't act like this forever." She said taking her spot back next to me

"Like what" I huffed

"Honestly... I applaud you for standing your ground. Candy is a bitch" she said flat out making me fight back a smile "But you don't need to take it out on Niall. You should see him. He's been moping around for a week know"

"Yeah right. That's his own damn fault. He's dating her" I scoffed
"Bella rose!" She raised her voice making me flinch "what did he do when you were in  your relationship with Hudson huh? Did he forget about you all together?" She pushed

"No" I mumbled seeing her point
"Exactly. He was there for you. And he doesn't see that Candy is a manipulative bitch right now. But one day he will. And he will thank you for being there instead of walking out of his life. So put you're jealousy aside"

"I'm not jealous Desi" I rolled my eyes once again. Annoyed.

"Really? You two seemed pretty close in the cleaning closet. I would be jealous too. Friends don't look at each other like you two do."

"Desi shut up" I glared at her. Knowing nothing was happening in the closet. He was only calming me down from something Candy had said.

"Ok explain to me this. When he looks at you how do you feel?"

I raised an eyebrow but she nudges for an answer. She wasn't giving up.

"Ok fine you win." I threw my hands in the air. "I have feelings for him. Everytime he looks at me I get butterflies in my stomach. He is the sweetest most caring guy I have ever met. And Candy's taking that all away. She's using him like some sort of puppet to get her way!" I was screaming in frustration now. I could feel my face heating up. "She will never have the memories I have with him. Playing in the park, drinking out first beer, and him applying for X factor. But she gets to make new memories with him. She has Niall. MY NIALL!"

I burst into tears. Falling exhaustively into Desi's chest. Finally letting out something I have held inside for long. I was jealous. It just took this long for me to realize it.

"Shhh he can't see that right now. One day he will " she hushed me wrapping her long arms around me.

"I don't want to lose him again" I sobbed into her shoulder

"You won't babe. You won't. I know he loves you too much for that. I haven't seen him smile in weeks. He needs you Bella."

I took in her sweet smell of her strawberry shampoo . Forcing myself to ground myself.

I pulled away nodding as I wiped my stray tears. "Do you think he hates me?"

"Absolutely not. But I think you need to talk to him. Let him know how you feel "

"I am just as big of bitch as her. Why did I ever blow up at him like that? And he's going back home in a month. I just lost me of my  last  weeks with him" I rambled I'm felling terrible about myself. Immediately regretting this past week.

"You are the farthest thing from a bitch. A real bitch like Candy doesn't fell guilty like you do right now" Desi places a hand on my thigh to comfort me.

"I need to talk to him. Tell him how I really feel" I quickly jump up stumbling slightly as my head was spinning. The beers I decided on for breakfast hitting me strong.

"Woah" she stood up catching me "How about right now you go sleep this off. Connors having another party tonight. You can talk to him then."

"Yeah... alright" I rubbed the headache growing in my head. She was right. It wasn't a good idea to talk to him in this state of mind.

I walked down the hall to the spare bedroom. Before reaching for the door I called to Desi.

"Thank you. You're exactly who I needed to kick me in the ass"

"Anytime" she laughed "Now go get some rest babe"

Desi and I walked into Connor's house, arms linked together. Aidan trailed behind us carrying a six pack of beers. The perfect amount for our little group.

"You ready for this?" She asked me as we stood on the doorstep. The loud music blaring from behind the door. Signaling the party has already started.

I took a deep breath opening the door to a house filled with people. Most unfamiliar faces to me.

"Woah. We are going to need more beer" I declared as Aidan helped us push through the crowd of people to the kitchen. A little less crowded then the living space.

"There's so many people here! How am I going to find Niall?" I called at Desi over the loud music

"What?" She screamed back getting closer to me.

I chuckled blowing it off "Let's just get a drink"

She nodded before we made our way to the counter of booze. Connor stood nearby sipping from a red cup.

"Hey!" I ran over greeting him with a hug.

"Hey Bella! You're becoming a stranger around here"

"I know but I'm here now" I smiled as Desi handed me a cup. "Thanks" I said to her. Taking a gulp of the sour liquid. Some sort of sour blue vodka drink Desi created.

"Who's all these people anyways? I haven't been gone for that long have I?" I motioned to the crowd with a twist of my face at the strong liquid.

"Nah Candy invited a bunch of friends.. then they invited friends.. and they invited friends.. you know"

Desi laughed "Of course she did"

"More people, more fun right?" I cheered before walking backwards into the crowd. Getting swarmed immediately, disappearing from my friends. My plan now was to let loose.

Nothing's gonna hold me back
Can't hold me back
Nah, it ain't goin' down like that

The loud sound of music blaring as I stood in the middle of the crowd. Bouncing up and down as the liquid sloshed around in my cup. I took another sip or the full cup feeling the liquid burn my throat. The vodka only giving me an extra confidence boost as I danced amongst complete strangers.

'Cause when you got it you got it
Get your game on and flaunt it
When you got it you got it
There ain't nothin' can stop it

This is the moment I needed. Almost freeing. As I jumped around and danced. Forgetting every problem I had the past few weeks. I freed my hair from its messy bun letting out a sigh of relief . I whipped my hair around stumbling into someone as my hair covered my vision.

"Shit sorry" I gasped as my drink splashed between us making me look to the ground. Seeing familiar black boots.

No it can't be

"No problem sweetheart" a familiar drunken slur made my stomach twist. I moved my hair out of my face looking up to see the dark eyes from my nightmares.

Fuck .....Hudson.