reminiscence

Sixty

Thump ... thump... thump

My head throbbed. I was majorly hungover. I must have drank a lot last night because alcohol never effects me this much. Or I'm just getting to old for this. My body couldn't take it much more.

I rolled over only to fall straight off the couch. Hitting the floor with a hard thud.

"Fuck" I groaned in pain. Now my back hurting just as much as my head.

I rubbed my eyes before opening them to see the break room. I must have been toast last night as didn't even make it to my own bed.

"Careful there's a floor there Bella" a familiar voice calling from behind me. Startling me. I thought I was alone.

I sat up straight looking at the doorway to see Connor standing with two cups of coffee in his hands. 

"Connor?" I rubbed my eyes as I stood up. As I must have been dreaming.

"Happy Birthday" he shyly smiled handing me a warm cup of coffee

"Thank you" I quickly sipped the liquid hoping the warm coffee helped my state.

We stood there in awkward silence. Neither of us wanting to talk first. As I swirled my coffee around, cooling it down some before sipping it.

Connor standing in front of me. He  looked awful. Skinner then ever. His hair not in it's usually gelled do. It hung flat against his forehead. Making him look unfamiliar.

"Listen"
"Bella"

We both said at the same time. Awkwardly laughing as we interrupted each other.

"Go ahead" I smiled looking up at him before looking down at the cup of hot liquid again.

"I'm sorry" he sighed

I looked up at him waiting for him to continue. Chewing on my bottom lip nervously.

"You didn't deserve my wrath. You have a lot on your plate. You don't need the worries of the Mist on top of that. I'm so sorry for scaring you. I wasn't thinking. I'm just so worried about this damn hellhole I'm going to lose my best worker. And friend"  He rubbed his forehead in frustration. Ruffling his over grown hair as his tears started to trickle down his cheek.

"No ... god no Connor" I stepped closer throwing one arm around his shoulder. Pulling him into a hug. I hated seeing my friends so worked up. "I'm not going anywhere"

"Thanks Bella" he sniffed into my shoulder

"Of course. You'll never loose me."

We stood there hugging each other for awhile. Letting him calm down.

"Sorry for ruining your birthday" he laughed pulling away from me wiping his eyes.

I laughed to. If he only knew it was already ruined.

"You coming camping with us today?" I asked sipping my now cool coffee

He nodded yes doing the same.

"Alright just do me a favor?"

"What?" He asked as I walked towards the door

"Don't  walk on egg shells around me... I'm fine " I smiled gaining a smile back from him as I exited the room.

I knew if I didn't tell him I was ok  he would be worried all weekend . His heart being to big for his body sometimes.

I made my way out of the break room to see the main room in shambles. We must have had a good party last night.

Desi was sweeping a pile of trash into a even more massive pile. Smiling as soon as she say my presence.

"Hey birthday girls awake" she cheered. A bit to happy for my hungover self

Desi probably not as effected by the amounts of alcohol consumed last night. As she did this on a weekly basis.

"Uh huh" I softly smiled holding the warm cup of coffee in my hands.

"Party to hard last night" she asked swinging her free arm around my shoulder so I could lay my head on hers.

"Uh huh" I repeated making her giggle.

"There's painkillers in the first aid box under the bar"

"Thanks. I'll be over to help clean up in a bit" I smiled making my way towards the bar

"Oh no! No cleaning for the birthday girl" Aidan said patting me on the back as we passed each other.

I laughed as I opened the cupboard under the bar looking for the bright red first aid box.

What would I do without my friends. They we're always there to pick me up. Except something felt different. Something was off.

I finally found the box opening it to pull out a few painkillers. Swallowing them quickly with a gulp of coffee.

My eyes scanning the room. It was becoming cleaner as Desi and Aidan were now putting everything back in order. Connor cleaning up the spare equipment left in the stage form the dj.

Then it hit me. Niall was missing. He was the missing piece. My smile turned quickly into a frown as I put the first aid box back away.

I wonder where he went after last night. Or if I was going to see him today. I wanted to. It was my birthday after all. But after these past couple days there was an awkward tension between us. One I didn't want to recognize.

"You find it ok?" Desi said from behind me making me jump

"Yeah ... yeah sorry" I sighed "was I really bad last night? You would have stoped me from doing anything dumb right?"

"You were awful so embarrassing. If I were you I would hide until you're 25th birthday " she joked making sigh in defeat.

"Stop Desi ...Seriously I think I fucked up" I whined leaning forward on my elbows

"Babe" she sighed rubbing my shoulders from behind "Quit beating yourself up... you're lovely. I'm not sure what happened and you don't need to tell me. ...But you two will get through it. You always get through bumps in the road."

"I hope so" I sighed. But I didn't think this time we would make it through. It was different as we never had feelings to care about. 

The familiar click of the back door opening made me turn my head. Niall walking through the door. His eyes bloodshot more then mine signaling it wasn't just from the alcohol consumed last night, he didn't get much sleep.

I wanted to think "good for him" "he deserves it for destroying my birthday party". But I didn't. I felt bad for him.  Seeing him with a rare frown on his face made me uneasy. Niall's smile always made me feel safe , today that smile was hard to find.

As he walked by us his hands were shoved in his. Glancing our way to give us a small nod. I sent him a shy smile, but didn't get one in return as he walked straight towards the stage to greet Connor.

I held tears in as I leaned forward resting my head on the bar in front of me.

I was afraid this time I really fucked things up.