Whipping Girl

Chapter 26: A Solemn Breath

It was just Xiang and I. In our back room, the windowless one for weather issues that can happen on this area of Terra.  Swirling ragings of wind similar to how magic can look, but far more violent and less predictable, with blander grey colors. With our magic we could easily prevent it from hitting our area, but that takes a lot of power and could potentially raise some suspicions to the Terra humans who mostly don't know of our true nature. 

I always found it strange, how Terra could be a realm of Chaos, filled with all kinds of beings from other realms constantly stopping by, yet their main inhabitants don't even know it. Don't even know the magic they can do, but a few. It has brought some creativity among their kind, creating things so close to the real deal and sometimes even beneficial to us, but just not close enough to grasp the true gravity of existence.

A sheltered life, that I truly don't think can last long. The fate of their realm was never the type to be quiet after all. A chuckle escapes me as I think of some of the headaches they're already bringing cluelessly upon everyone else.  

The tea in my hand slips just a bit, the liquid crashing against the edge as it does, spilling onto my hand. It leaves a small red burn for a second before healing quickly back to my regular flesh. 

Xiang was right, this room really does help us to get lost in thoughts. The selective lighting by the were blood coated porusae stone. Blood he'd acquired in the morning from cleaning himself. Inspiring a spiraling of images and feelings that stirs the mind in ways the open sun couldn't.  Though I didn't want to just yet fall  trap to its vices, first I wanted to bring us both some tea. 

And now I had to redo one cup. Or maybe I'd just go without, I really only intended to make one for him. The scritching of graphite against paper stopped. 

"It's not rocket science." Xiang mumbles. 


I look up at him, staring for a moment while casually placing the empty cup on the side of the table. 

"What do you mean?" I question.

He answers, "The tea." 

"I still don't understand." I admit. Walking his way with the other cup. 

He just shakes his head left to right, then goes back to writing. I place the cup against this freehand. As if second nature he immediately takes it and starts to drink the still boiling liquid. 

I take in a large breath and turn back down to my empty paper and writing apparatus. 

I expected he would drink it so quick, considering the state he arrived in before we even got started on the letters. Letters requesting for ally-ship. Necessary with all the uprising that has already been starting since my Alpha status had spread around this planet. I know Xiang has been spending these nights preventing arrivals from even reaching our borders, because of how hectic it has been getting. Especially now that it has made word also of my killing of her, the other alpha. 

My chest stings once more at just the mere thought. So I push it back as quickly as I can. 

Focus on allies, we need more, and we can get more. Use the turmoil to our favor. Like I've always done. This isn't something new to me. 

"Why did you make me tea?" Xiang quips. Catching my attention just as I begin to write an E. 

"You've been up all night again-killing on my behalf." I answer, my voice flat.

He keeps writing, I finally finish the E and get started on the m after a moment of silence further. There's not even a sigh from his direction. I assume the conversation has ended for now, and proceed writing out the title of whom I was addressing in the letter. I shoot a few glances his way as I let more words stumble out of my thoughts and against this pale backdrop.

Words with only just enough expression to hopefully create a possible connection, but not so much that if my words fail me they could use it against us.

He wasn't seeming fazed at all. Not a sign of exhaustion or pain, or even emotional turmoil of any sort. While others were on missions he was out killing more beings than all of them combined and yet not once has he shown any sign of it wearing on him these months. I've done what he's done thousands of times just once, and it haunts my dreams and thoughts in the most random of moments. 

Emotional turmoil felt like an understatement for me. Cursed with it, was almost more accurate. Like the act itself took something from me that I just can't get back. 

There is no way killing others is as easy as he pretends it is. Especially with how Terra is about it. Even Death showed more.  

My teeth grit together and my written words come out a little too blunt. 

I turn the paper over and grab another piece to restart. Xiang takes another sip. 

He must be even stronger than I believed, stronger than the others even, to handle it all with such poise. Because he most of the time had spoken so open around me, I had mistaken his true level of control. 

He should have made himself Alpha of this clan instead of me. If he'd done that, he wouldn't be  now doing twice the work trying to help me. With my stupid little words. 

Though at times it was my best skill. Politician's training and all. 

I push, "You needn't work yourself to death on accord of the clan..."

Finally the sigh comes. Xiang takes another sip, but presses the wood covered graphite against my chin, pushing it lightly up so that I am looking at him fully. He places the tea down. 

"No Yeona," he says, "I do that just for you." 

I need to do more for him too. Is this really enough?

My face feels warm. My teeth relax and my hand too causing me to nearly drop the wood writing piece I was holding.  I re-grip and use it to strike him away in a gentle slashing motion. Then go back to my writing. Pointing at it, indicating he should too.

"Peace was your idea." I grumble. 

He immediately goes back to sipping the tea, writing once more as well. We keep writing like this for a while. A small pile of letters now to my right. The sound of our scribbles the white noise needed to keep us on focus. 

Though my chest stays aching. 

"I only spill as much blood as I must." Xiang suddenly says. I don't bother to respond back. I've thought like that before, all my life, but now I can barely believe it. My thoughts continue the same cyclic inner dialogue. 

If I can do that too.

I wish to be as strong as him, believe it again. What I've always been raised to. 

I really wish.