Forever Young (sequel to Safe and Sound)

Regrets

I fall to my knees in my room with my hands over my face and my mascara running. I cry like crazy. In sorrow and despair, wanting to die. I can't believe I did what I did. I thought to myself for a while and now I feel like a saint of the devil. I'm such a dick. I'm a murderer. Why did I even have it as a thought? Why did I go along with it? I should be the one going up into death. Instead of going to heaven like my baby, I should go to hell. 

It was just a sweet innocent soul. One that had so much to experience and to have a life. But, I didn't even give this person a chance. I just killed him/her. It's not fair. "It's not fair." I say to myself trying to breath through my tears leaning against my wall. I'm holding my stomach in pain wanting to rip the stiches out to kill myself. Then during my weeping, Mom walks in.

I keep crying. We're the only ones home. "Ellie?! Are you okay!" I keep crying clutching my stiches tighter as she sits next to me. "What's wrong." She demands. My eyes are blurred by the constant flow of tears of idiotics. I hold my stomach and lean forward and puke everywhere. "Oh my god Ellie are you sick? Let me see your stomach." She starts grabbing at my arms. But I cry and nod. "No no! You can't see Mom!" I cry in desperation and regrets. She pulls my arms off. And slightly pulls my shirt up. "Stitches?!"
     "I, I got an abortion." I say crying sniffling. But then start crying as I see her face turn colorless. "You were..you..you had sex?" I started crying harder. Mom stood up. "Ellie your only 14!" I stood up and yelled back. "I know! But I left him! But that's not what got me pregnant." I shrunk. "Than what did?" She asked. "Two mornings after, he raped me." I cried and cried. Mom walked out of the room furious with me and him. He couldn't get arressted because his Dad is also a part time policeman.

I was so down in the dumps. I grabbed my helmet and I rode down to the drugstore. I bought some steroids. I rode home and I locked myself in the bathroom. I thought for a minute. There's some things I want with me, like my friends and Aiden, but then there's other things, like Felix. I don't care anymore. Fuck everything. I'm doing something selfish, I know. But no one could stop me, no one would want to. I sat on the floor and opened the bottle. Tears were still running down my eyes. I tilted the whole bottle and et all the drugs pile into my mouth. I let them melt and I swallowed. I stayed crying. Then I passed out.