The Best Part of Me -Jack Avery Fanfic.

Chapter 3

I wake up to a loud growl and the sound of Tez snapping.

I startle, putting a hand on his back and asking him to hold. I look up to see it's only Jack and I call him off.

"You reached for me." I state, my voice groggy. "Don't do that."

"I-I'm sorry." Jack stammers, obviously lost. "I-Jonah um..."

"It's fine. Just don't do it again." I clear my throat. "Cortez only gives you one warning nip and then you'll get bit."

"Oh..."

I sigh softly. "So Jonah what?"

"He um, he went out for a while and left me here. He asked me to check on you every once in a while."

Nodding, I stretch my arms out way above my head. The bones crack satisfyingly and I smother a yawn.

"Um... how come you were asleep on the couch?" He inquires quietly.

I sigh. "Sometimes it's hard to sleep in a bed."

"You used to hate sleeping on the couch."

"I used to hate a lot of the things I do now." I reply. "Jack, there's things that you don't need to know."

"But I want to know."

"No, Jack. You don't." I answer sternly, growing irritated. "You don't need to know and I don't want you to know."

"Please...?" Jack pleads.

Don't look up. Don't look up. Shit, too late.

He's giving me that look. The one with the lost puppy-dog eyes. The one with the pout that just tugs at my heart strings. The one with the hopelessness that just shreads up anything that I might call a wall between me and the outside world.

It's a look that I could never say no to...

I glance away, breaking eye contact with him. "You won't look at me the same if you know."

"I promise it won't change how I see you." He tries.

"You can't promise that." I swallow hard, grasping at anything really to get him to stop. "You have a kid and a lovely girlfriend, Jack. I don't even know why you're wasting your time here."

He purses his lips. "Gabbs and I broke up a little while back..."

I look up, my brows furrowing.

"I tried... I tried soo hard to love her. But I can't." He's picking at his fingers. "I love my baby girl. l love her soo much, but Gabby wasn't the right girl for me."

My voice comes out as a whisper. I'm not dumb. I know what he's insinuating; even if I don't believe him. "I'm no good."

He gets up off the chair and sits on the other side of the couch. "Addy, I still care about you and I want to know what happened. I want to understand what's going on."

I ball my hands into fists. "Jack-" I clear my throat, trying to keep myself from loosing it to anger, but it still waivers in my voice. "I'm telling you that I'm not even worth your time of day and I don't want you to know what happened! You need to let it go!"

"I can't-"

I cut him off. "Fine, then, Jack! I killed the guy I was with, okay?! Is that what you wanted?!" I growl, absoluetly all my will-power going into not bursting into tears or raising my voice. "I murdered him and there's no taking it back!"

There's a long, shocked pause of silence.

"I... I'm sorry Addy..." Jack's voice is soo quiet that I could've just imagined it. "What... how... why..?"

I'm just defeated now, stroking Cortez's head slowly as he nudges me over and over until I focus on him.

"We were arguing and he grabed me and I grabed the closes thing off the counter." I answer hollowly. "I blacked out and when I came back I was covered in blood and he was dead and I had the knife. I stabbed him almost sixty times."

"Baby, I know there has to be more then just that..." Jack murmurs, inching a little closer despite what I just told him. "What pushed you to that point?"

I glance up, then away, now ashamed. "We fought a lot and he did some very nasty things to me." I feel my nose crinkle in disgust. "He left a lot of marks that'll never go away."

"The scars..?"

"More then just scars." I reply bitterly. "But it doesn't matter cause he's dead now."

"But that's not your fault."

"I went to prison for six long months, Jack. Six long, terrible months of the other inmates knit-picking at me until I finally fessed up to what I did." I take a deep breath. "I know what I did and I can't take it back. I don't even know why the court let me out."

"Why did they say they let you out?" He whispers, even closer now.

"Because they said... they said it was in self defense and there was no other possible option for me." Tez places both paws on my lap. "They thought that given the evidance, it was him or me, but he wouldn't have done it. It would've been too easy."

I hear sniffling and I look back up to see tears tracing Jack's cheeks. He wipes at his face feverously and I swallow my guilt.

"It's done now." I clear my throat, picking at my hands awkwardly. "There's no point in being upset about it now."

"But baby, it's my fault."

My gaze snaps up, defensively confused. "No it's not."

"I left you."

I shake my head. "You didn't love me. I understand that."

"But I did!" He damn-near bursts out in a sob. "I did love you! I wanted you to find someone who you deserved and who could take care of you because I couldn't!"

"What do you mean? You said it wasn't working out and you left. You don't leave someone you love."

"You do when you don't want to hold them back." He whispers now with rivers of tears flooding down his freckled cheeks. "Addy, you're my world and I didn't want to leave you home alone when I went on tours because you deserve soo much more then a guy who was only there half the time."

"I didn't have a problem with that." My own eyes are watering. "Jack, you never asked me how I felt about it. I was fine with you going on tour. I would've been fine."

He reaches for my cheeks when the tears flow over but I flinch away hard with my automatic; "don't touch me."

"I'm soo sorry, Addy. If I would've known... if I would've just-" he stops himself. "None of this would've happened if I didn't break up with you."

I just shake my head sadly. "It's not your fault. Jack, you have a beautiful daughter now. That's not a mistake."

He just burries his damp face in his hands.

I don't know what to do with myself now. I don't have anything to fill the silence with and I can't stand the it. Cortez senses this and starts to pull at my sleeves.

It's walk time.

Which is what we've trained him to do to get me to remove myself from uncomfortable or tense situations. He takes me out for as long as I need and when I'm calmed back down, we can go back if I want.

"I uh... gotta take Tez for a walk..." I clear my throat a little. "You can uh, come if you want."

He sniffles, and wipes at his face. "Yeah. I'll come."