The Best Part of Me -Jack Avery Fanfic.

Chapter 26

"Addy?"

"Hmm?" I hum, coming up to the side of the pool where Jack's sat in his swim trunks; legs swishing idly as he takes a break.

"Do you think we can talk after about something?"

I tilt my head, leaning up on the edge beside him. "Of course. Why not now?"

He glances up at the door, then back down at me. "It's something private. I don't want someone to walk out here while we're talking about it."

My brows furrow and my mind starts to dig around and pull up possibilities. In prison if someone said they wanted to speak privately, then more then likely it was something they'd get in trouble for. I don't know what Jack might think he'd get in trouble for...

Or maybe it's a different kind of private. Maybe it's the kind of private talk my mum and I have. Where we discuss things we don't want anyone else to know and ask for each other's advice.

"I promise it's nothing bad." He reaches down with both hands and caresses my cheeks. "Just something I think we should talk about. Alone."

I nod softly. It must be the second then. Jack hops back down in the pool and we enjoy another hour or so in the cooling water. Isla came out and Jack swam up and splashed her, so she got revenge by taking a running leap into the water behind him; effectivly drenching him before climbing on his back and wrestling him.

When we get out; we dry off as best we can before I go off and take a shower to get the chlorine smell off. Once I'm finished, I feel the fatigue creeping up on me and I know I have to go relax for a little while.

I join Jack down in our bedroom. He's on his phone, spinning on his chair.

"So you wanted to talk?"

"Uh... yeah." He sets his phone on his desk, turns to me, then seems to blank for a moment.

I give him time to gather his train of thought.

"I was just wondering... we've been together for months now and we live together and well..."

I purse my lips, wondering for a moment what he's getting at. If perhaps there's something I've been doing that's wrong.

He takes a deep breath. He's seemed to have lost his confidence. "I guess I just wanna know what your thoughts are on sex..."

I have a "duh" moment. No wonder he wanted to talk about it in private. I haven't had this kind of private talk since well... since we last spoke of it together years ago.

"Well..." I have to actually think about it. "I'm not really sure... I mean, it's definatly been a while."

"We don't have to talk about if you're not comfortable." Jack says quickly as if it just occured to him. "I just wanted to know if you're okay with the idea..."

I shake my head with a slight giggle. "Oh, I don't mind. I don't mind as long as it's with you. Talking about it I mean."

"Okay... good..." his cheeks are rosey all the same though, and I'm sure mine are too. "So uh... I um, is there certain boundaries you wouldn't want to cross if we were to have sex?"

"I mean, as long as it's all consentual I can't really see any problems, but I haven't done anything after Kyle so I wouldn't really know."

He nods softly. "Do you mind if maybe... we talk about some of the things he did with you..?"

I pause, thinking hard about it. It's not something I've talked about except once with my therapist. It's something that makes me feel deeply humilated and ashamed and I'm guilty of burrying it away inside.

"I don't like revisiting the things he and I did, but maybe it could be easier to talk to you about it." I think aloud. "It's easy to talk to you about other things."

He pulls himself closer and offers me his hands. I take them and he eases me down to sit comfortably on his lap.

"At first it wasn't too bad with him." I start, going back in my memories to the first time we decided to have sex while Jack wraps his arms around my waist securedly. "He was pushy, but he always was kinda like that. I wasn't sure at first, but he was persistant."

The first few times were fine. He'd ask, and I didn't say no. After that I began to notice that when I'd ask something of him, like for him to slow down or give me a second to breathe, he'd ignore me. It was rare that I said no, maybe once or twice in the begining but he'd convince me anyway. Usually if I wanted to initiate it he was either "too busy" or "not into it."

"It got to the point where I just didn't enjoy any of it. I didn't like how one-sided it was. I didn't like how I could never have any control over anything. I didn't like how rough he'd get and when I finally told him, that was the first time he really got mad."

Jack's rubbing soothing circles on the backs of my hands while I talk. I'm staring absently off at the wall in front of us, lost in a sort of dull numbness as I recount this to him.

"It was also the first night he forced me to do it. I gave him a clear no and stuck to it but it was like he didn't hear me. I don't know if maybe it made him want to do it more because I was fighting back. I don't remember the whole night, but I remember not being able to walk for a few days afterward."

I turn my head to the side and rest it against the side of his and his throat.

"Once he started with that, I think I realized what I had gotten myself into. It clicked that the relationship wasn't normal, but to me it didn't really matter. To me, Kyle was the only validation I had that someone would want me. He was the only one I thought could want me.

"But I love you and I know that wasn't true. If it was, I wouldn't be here." I smile softly and press my lips behind his ear. His dangly earing tickles my cheek as I do.

He squeezes his arms around me, our hands still laced together.

"I'm not scared of the idea of having sex with you." I add. "I remember how it was before. You always made me feel good."

He kisses my mouth softly and smiles. "That means I was doing my job right. I always want to please my baby girl."

My heart melts in that instant and I just turn around and cling to him. The only words that slip out are "I love you."

"Addy, my legs are numb..." he trails after a long while of letting me stay curled up on his lap.

I admit I was drifting off. I yawn and stand, helping Jack up onto his wobbly legs. With that, we crawl on the bed and I fall asleep solidly for the rest of the day.