Hidden Girl

30- What It Takes To Live

Sebastian, Azalea, Alex, and I end up in Azalea's basement later that night, all of us planning to stay the night.

"So why exactly are we here?" Sebastian asks as he lays sprawled out on the couch.

"Um well it's for my confession," I tell them. "I feel bad because you guys don't know anything about me really and you should."

"I know stuff about you," Sebastian says with a shrug like it's pretty obvious he does know about me.

"Oh really?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Yep," Sebastian smiles at me. "I know you only wear combat boots and converse. I know you eat burger upside down. I know you walk speedy fast down the sidewalk without knowing it, and you run across streets because you're afraid you're going to get hit by a car. I know you hate make-up, and that is only because you think you look horrible in it. You have a small stomach it seems since you never eat too much, but you tend to eat often. I know that you are skinny and beautiful. I know you're an amazing kisser. But mainly, I know you are the most insecure person I've ever met."

"But-" I try to protest.

"Those are the things that make you who you are," Azalea says from her spot next to me. "Not your past."

"But the past does help form who you are and who you will become," I point out in protest.

"Well how about you tell us about this past that has formed you," Sebastian shrugs and everyone quickly agrees.

I take a deep breath, somewhat excited that I might finally get it all completely out, but also nervous of their reactions.

Alex all of the sudden falls onto the floor from where he was sitting on a couch and crawls over to me. He plops himself down next to me and takes my hand in his. He rubs circles on it with his thumb, like he always does to calm me down. I take another deep breath before I begin, smiling though because I'm so lucky to have a friend like him to sit by me in times like this.

"Well um when my mom was pregnant with me, she saw the aurora borealis for the first time-"

"The what?" Sebastian interrupts.

"The Northern Lights, you idiot," Azalea growls at him and he shuts up.

"Okay so," I continue, "I was named Aurora after them obviously. When I was um around two, my mom left me and my dad, so we were all alone."

"Do you know she left?" Azalea asks, and I slowly nod my head.

"I was a mistake from the start," I tell them.

"Oh Aurora-" Alex tries to say something but I don't let him.

"I was never intended," I tell them. "My mother hated kids and she hated me. So she left. She left us in a small one-floor house in a suburb of New York City. I went to school and we finally moved here in the middle of summer, since my dad had maybe something with a job and he was sick of living where there weren't many bars.

"What were the suburbs like?" Alex asks me. I look at him and he won't even look me in the eyes. I think he knows that I hated them, and he's somewhat scared to know why I did.

"I was the nerdy weirdo," I tell them. "I didn't wear glasses or anything. I was just found strange. I was an outsider, even though I had been there my whole life. Hate is almost a weak word for how they felt towards me. They hurt me as bad as they could and hurt me harder. They enjoyed knocking me unconscious. It became they're favorite after-school activity."

I hadn't even realized that I was raising my voice, and Alex finally stopped me.

"It's okay, Aurora," Alex says quietly. "You can stop."