Diamond AU: Steven Universe

So many birthdays

After discovering the diamonds are thousands of years old, Steven tries to host parties for them.

And something happens to blue...

——

"How can you live like this?!" Blue asked as she plugged her nose.

"It was fine 'til you guys started whining," Yellow shrugged.

"Whining?! The whole temple reeks!!" Blue said in disbelief. "When did you become such a slob?! You used to be so organized!!"

"I found it!" Steven called.

Pinching her nose, Blue asked, "What matter of magical alloy is this?"

Unwrapping the tinfoil, a puff of horrid green gas plumed out.

"It's a burrito," White said.

"It's the tuna burrito from aqua Mexican," Yellow said, taking the item in her hands.

"That place closed like, 5 years ago!!" Steven remarked.

Yellow decided to take a bite out of it anyway just to piss off Blue, causing her to look at Yellow in pure horror. Steven cringed before noticing a strange image in the pile of garbage. "Huh? What's this? It kinda looks like mom."

Blue and White looked to see the painting of Pink and the original crystal gems.

"Oh, Steven, that is your mother!!" Blue said.

"Really?!" Steven lit up. "But who are the people in the image with her?"

"The...the original inhabitants of this temple," Blue said. "The crystal gems."

"What happened to them?" Steven asked.

"That's a story for another day," Blue said as White looked into the distance. "This image was taken hundreds of years ago."

"Hundreds? Wait, how old are you guys?" Steven asked.

"Much older than any human!!" Blue said.

"Does that mean you'll live forever?" Steven asked.

"No, no. We don't age, but we can still get hurt and die," Blue said, causing Steven to frown. Then, Yellow began to moan in pain, kneeling on the ground, clutching her stomach.

"...But not from food poisoning," Blue said.

"I just can't believe you guys are like a bazillion years old! How do you find a cake big enough for all those candles?" Steven asked.

Blue and White looked at each other, then back at Steven. "We don't really celebrate birthdays," White said.

Steven gasped. "Why not?!"

White shrugged. "It's not our way. We're very old, Steven. We see no meaning behind it."

"Well I can't just ignore this travesty of unjustice. I pledge that you will have your birthdays, with all the candy, cake, and ice cream you've been denied." Steven said, just before Yellow threw up.

===

"And the birthday queen is...Yellow!!" Steven happily said as he put the birthday crown on top of Yellow's head. "I hope you like it, Dad made me this outfit and it brings me special birthday luck every year."

After singing the birthday song he had made up, he noticed lion playing with the hat. "Hey!!" He put it back on top of lion's head, only for lion to paw it off. "Lion, you're killing me."

Holding a balloon with a face on it, Yellow said, "Um, Steven? I know you put a lot of effort into... putting faces on things. But could it be that we're just a tad mature for this ritual?"