A Desire for More (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter Ten: Another Reminder

Just as you thought you would, you woke the next morning alone.  You rolled over in bed and stared at your ceiling, trying to figure out what you were supposed to do. 

The Commander was right, as much as you hated to admit it: you really couldn't go back.  Your family no longer knew who you were and even if you tried to leave, you wouldn't have a home waiting for you. 

But how could you continue in the life you had now?  You knew you'd be expected to increase your power, and probably kill more people.  No I'd definitely have to kill more people.

You sighed and rubbed your eyes harshly, frustrated that you had no idea what you were doing or what the hell you should do next.  The Commander just expects me to follow the First Order blindly, but why should I even help them?

You slowly dragged yourself out of bed, still feeling some pain deep in between your legs, and ate some of the food on your desk: the last thing you wanted was to piss off Kylo even more.  You dressed quickly and left your room, assuming that he would be waiting in the training room. 

As you approached, the Commander walked out of a room a little ways down the hall and walked towards you.  You stared into his mask, hoping to see some sign of the man you were with last night, but of course not. 

"I will be leaving for a mission tomorrow and the Supreme Leader wants you to attend."

"Oh," your heart started racing.  You thought you would've had more time training before going on a mission. 

You followed him into the training room and he pulled your lightsaber off the wall and handed it to you. 

"From now on, you will carry this weapon with you at all times," he took off his mask and cloak and tossed them to the side, his helmet hitting the floor with a thud. 

You looked up at him and noticed his tired expression, looking just as exhausted and haggard as you did.  You found yourself wondering why he wasn't sleeping, wondering if it was because of you. 

Your subconscious laughed at you so you pushed the thought out of your mind, feeling stupid for thinking he might actually care about you.  Last night was just to get me to stop being mad at him.  You chewed on your thumb, tasting blood on the raw skin.  He's just as heartless as he was before.  

You jumped slightly when his eyes met yours, worried that he had heard your thoughts, but he said nothing. 

He took his saber from his belt and ignited it.  He twirled it expertly and you watched in awe before igniting your own lightsaber and feeling a sense of strength: you already liked it a lot better than the metal staff.  Despite this newfound power, you were terrified of using it. 

Kylo stepped forward and you steadied yourself, holding the crackling weapon in front of you.  As he swung at you, you blocked him, just as you had learned to do with the staff.  You took the offense as you grew in confidence, choosing to ignore the possibility of singeing off one of your limbs.

Ren became more aggressive, showing just a glimpse of his full power.  His strength took you off guard and you shakily held your lightsaber in front of your face.  He pushed forward, his saber crossed over yours, the tip of the weapon inches away from you.  He pressed harder, backing you against the mirrored wall.

Feeling trapped, you used every bit of your strength to shove him away, but as you did so, the tip of his weapon slashed across the left side of your face, searing the skin from your ear, across your cheek and chin, and down to the right side of your neck, stopping just before your collarbone.