A Desire for More (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter Twenty Six: His True Identity

After getting someone to treat the wound on your hip, General Organa took a seat across from you, watching you intently. You squirmed in your seat under her stare, feeling like she was sensing every one of your thoughts.

She sat in silence, staring at you for several minutes so you took the opportunity to try and make her uncomfortable by staring at her.

Actually being in her presence was so much different from you seeing her in your dreams. The longer you sat across from her, the calmer you became, soaking in the peacefulness that seemed to ooze off of her.

One of the things that fascinated you most was how elegant, yet practical her hair was braided. Just as you opened your mouth to ask her how she did it, the General started speaking.

"You've been through a lot child, haven't you?"

You broke eye contact for a moment before looking back and nodding, knowing that she was going to at least try and get you to tell her everything.

"Up until you joined the First Order, there were no records of you,"

Her eyes seemed to see straight into your soul, and you noticed that they looked familiar, like you'd seen those eyes in someone else.

"So tell me, how did you end up training with Kylo Ren?" She said the name carefully, her expression making it look like it left a bitter taste on her tongue.

You blinked hard, restraining the tears that threatened to fall, yet again. With a shaky breath, you began to tell her about how the First Order found you, about what Snoke made you do, and about your training with the Commander.

You avoided telling her about the intimate relationship you had with Kylo, thinking that she wouldn't notice how you choked up slightly when you mentioned him.

General Organa nodded along to everything that you said, showing that she was listening. You felt at ease talking to her, despite how difficult it was, never seeing a look of judgement or scorn cross her face.

Trusting her, you told the General about the dreams you began to have about the Resistance and the conflicting feelings you felt. She smiled sadly at you as you told her about the strong desire you had to stay, but again avoided telling her why.

You finished by telling her about Tala's offer to leave the old base with them and join the Resistance, bringing your fingers up to your lips once you stopped talking.

General Organa looked at you in silence, making a nervous energy begin to rise inside of you as you began to chew the skin around the nail on your pinky finger. I guess old habits die hard.

She took a deep breath before speaking to you again, choosing her words carefully.

"And, what about your relationship with the Commander?"

You sighed and rubbed your eyes furiously, angry with yourself for wanting to cry again.

"It was complicated," you said lamely, wanting desperately to keep everything to yourself.

"How was it complicated?" The General probed, looking at you knowingly.

"Well, I guess you could say we were more than just a teacher-student relationship." You blushed slightly as you met her eyes, not wanting to share the more explicit details.

She raised an eyebrow, silently telling you to elaborate. You sat quietly for a second before pulling your finger from your mouth and wiping the blood on your robes.

"I, I saw a different side of him," she leaned forward, eyes widened, prompting you further. "When I was with him, I could see parts of his past. That is, until he'd push me away."

You noticed tears sneaking into the General's eyes, but you didn't question it and kept going.

"He could be cruel and heartless, but he had a soft side. There were times, I-" a tear slipped from your eye, "I could sense that maybe, maybe he loved me."

You looked back up at the General, wiping your eyes. You were shocked to see tears flowing freely down her face as well.

She got up slowly and went to the back of her tent, her back to you.

Still facing away from you, she seemed to speak to the wall.

"Did you ever," her voice shook slightly and she cleared her throat, regaining her strong composure. "Did you ever sense good in him, could you sense the light?"

You smiled ever so slightly, looking at your hands in your lap.

"Yes," you whispered, getting up from your seat. "But he pushed me away when I found it."

The General turned back to face you, her face wiped free of tears. She returned your soft smile and walked towards you, taking your now unrestrained hands in hers.

You looked at her curiously, wondering why she was asking about Kylo, wondering what emotional ties she might have to him.

"Why have you asked me all this?"

She looked down and then back up at you, her eyes staring into yours.

"He's my son,"

All at once, you felt as if you could freely see his past, all of the muddy images you saw in him sometimes became fully revealed to you. As you held her gaze, it felt like images of Kylo were flooding you: his face when he was young, his carefree laughter, the love he had for people.

And when she stepped closer and gripped your hands tighter, a single name was revealed.

"Ben Solo."

She nodded at you with a soft smile, her eyes glistening.

"I've sensed a change in him, a small, tiny change in him over the past few months," her eyes were filled with hope. "And I think it's because of you."

You quickly broke eye contact and pulled away from her, turning your back and facing the mouth of the tent.

"I can't bring him back," you gripped your arms tightly across your chest, your heart rate accelerated. You turned back to face her, panic beginning to engulf you. "General, I- I can't."

Her smile slowly faded and she looked at you sadly.

The two of you stood in silence for a second, listening to the soft sounds of the people in the camp around you.

Taking a deep breath, she walked towards you and held your hands again.

"I would never pressure you to do that," you looked down at her, your panic slowly beginning to fade.

"But something about you has changed him."

She smiled at you and pulled away, her back to you again as she reached for her com link.

"Commander Dameron, please report to my tent."

She turned back to you again, her expression difficult to read.

"I know everything you've been through has been difficult," you glanced behind you to see Dameron waiting in the mouth of the tent. "But we desperately need your help. Any inside information you could give us is necessary."

You nodded and smiled slightly at her, noticing Dameron looking back and forth between the two of you curiously.

"Commander, please show her to an empty tent and provide her with the essentials." As he opened his mouth to question her, she interrupted him. "Yes, give her a weapon too."

He shut his mouth and looked at you nervously, obviously still not trusting you.

"Dameron will see you it that you are present for the next meeting."

She smiled at you one last time before the Commander led you from the tent.