My True First [18+]

Chapter 13

My eyes zeroed in on Ellie's open suitcase. She was almost done packing for her two-week trip with Aiden.  "I'm gonna miss you," I said, sitting on her bed.

"It's only for two weeks. Besides, you'll be with Liam and Tim." She smiled, folding a T-shirt.

"How's the after wax experience?"

"I still haven't forgiven you for talking me into going through that torture." Ellie sighed. "I was all red the first day."

"You'll thank me later. Did you make sure to pack all your stuff?"

"I only have those left." Ellie pointed at the pile of summer dresses.

"Paul keeps on texting," I said, examining my nails. Seeing Ellie's suddenly mad expression made me regret opening my mouth.

"So what?"

"I don't know. Maybe I should agree to go on a date with him. After all, we spent almost a year together. At least I know what to expect." The lie came out effortlessly. There was no maybe. I'd already agreed to go on a date with my ex, but Ellie didn't know that.

"Or what not to expect, like a word that starts with o and has six letters," she blurted out and frowned, directing her attention to the dresses she was packing.

"Maybe I'm just unable to feel things, Ellie, it doesn't have to be only his fault."

"Or maybe you have to focus on someone who will treat you right instead of getting back together with the person who let you down repeatedly."

It was easy to say. The only guy I felt attracted to made it clear that I was only his roommate. Nothing else. Nobody. He didn't see me in that way, and why would he? He had tons of girls willing to sleep with him — girls who weren't cold and didn't blush just because he pressed his lips to their cheeks. Ellie didn't know that. She had no idea about anything because I chose not to tell her the truth.

"Ellie, not every guy is Aiden. If you're lucky, it doesn't mean all of us are. I want to be with somebody, go on dates, kiss someone, share stuff with someone other than my friends."

"So, your motivation to get back with him is not being alone? What about love, Sky? Don't you want to love and be loved back?"

Of course, I wanted it, but wanting it and having it were two different things. Not everyone was lucky. I certainly wasn't.

"Maybe Paul loves me in his way. What if there's nobody else for me, Ellie? I'm turning twenty in a couple of weeks. All my friends have boyfriends, even the girls who never dated in high school."

"Both my mom and your aunt are older than us, and they have good relationships. They met their boyfriends later, so what? It's who you end up with, Sky, not when."

"Says the one living with her guy at seventeen." I rolled my eyes.

"Because it just happened this way. I didn't expect Aiden, and I sure as hell didn't think I'd fall in love. Less than half a year ago, I told him he was crazy to suggest we lived together. Things happen, and you don't have to force something out of insecurity."