My True First [18+]

Chapter 35

I left Sophia's office on Tuesday afternoon feeling way better than I did on Monday when I met her for the first time and told her the truth about what happened to me.

She was the only person who knew. Sophia didn't judge me and didn't ask me what everyone else would - why I stayed with my ex after what he'd done.

I had no recollection of what happened. I knew I drank that night. Paul kept on giving me alcohol to make me relax so that I would enjoy the party. He wanted us to sleep together. Alcohol would help me lose my inhibitions.

Surrounded by his friends whom I didn't know well, the odds were not in my favor. Even if I got roofied, they would deny it. They saw me drink, and I was with my boyfriend- the person who was supposed to take care of me.

Paul kept saying that I begged him for it, asked him to be rough with me, but despite his efforts, I was just as cold as that first time.

My stupid and naive self didn't question his words at first. The problem came after when I started to have panic attacks and nightmares, and his touch made my body freeze.

Paul changed his demeanor then, spending more time with me, and pretending to care about me. Now, I knew that those few dates and flowers served no other purpose than making me stop doubting his words and asking questions. Back then, I was so delusional I let myself believe he had finally realized how I deserved to be treated.

I hated myself for being so stupid that I stayed with him instead of going to the police and pressing charges. And although talking about it was excruciatingly painful, I let Sophia in and started to tell her everything because I wanted to heal and move on.

I didn't want to jeopardize my new and fragile relationship with Liam by letting my past dictate my present and future. Liam could help me, but there were things he couldn't fix.

It wasn't a situation that got better by complaining about it to my best friend over a glass of wine. Paul ruined my self-confidence and made me see intimacy as something to be afraid of. How could I not fear it when I had been sore for days after that goddamned party I wished I hadn't agreed to go to?

I behaved like a pathetic doormat who never questioned things, although the evidence was hard to ignore. Telling Sophia how stupid I'd been was even harder than admitting that my boyfriend raped me and got away with it.

Drained after my second therapy session, I lowered myself onto the couch with a mug of tea in my hands as soon as I was home. Ellie went to her first job interview in a fashion magazine, and Tim wouldn't be back until later in the afternoon.

I grabbed my phone and entered my bank application. My eyes darted to the figure next to my savings account. Soon, it would be empty. Sophia didn't charge me full price, but therapy was never cheap. I had no idea how many sessions I needed, either.

The phone vibrated in my hand. I couldn't contain the giggle when I saw the ID Roomie/Daddy flash across the screen. Liam had the audacity to change his name on my phone, making me cringe and blush the first time he called me from Marseille yesterday.