Anything and Everything (Bell Cranel x Reader Insert)

Chapter 31

Trigger warning (self harm). Read at your own cost.

Your POV
...maybe I should head back inside now...
I took in a shakey breath as my body shivered from the cold.
Or..maybe it would be best if I didn't.

Without even realizing, my body began to walk on its own. I didn't even know where I was going or why. All I could think about was how much of a burden and disappointment I was.

After a long time passed, I looked down at my feet. They were turning blue and I couldn't feel them. I tried to keep walking, but I collapsed.

Why...? Why am I like this? Why is it that whenever I try, I fail.

"It's because you don't deserve it." The voice chanted. It echoed in my head. "You don't deserve it, and you know it. You don't deserve your God. You don't deserve to smile. You don't deserve him."

I...I don't?

"Of course you don't." It said.

Right...I don't deserve...him. I don't deserve him.

"You finally understand. You did one thing right. Now do the next step and erase yourself. Erase your mistakes. Erase it all erase it all erase it all." It said forcefully.

Erase...erase...me...erase the mistakes. I'm the mistake. I'm a mistake.

Bell POV
Where is she!?
I sat there in my bed like an idiot.

I need to find her. Now.

I jumped out of bed and began to search frantically. I checked the bathroom, the kitchen, living room, everywhere.

She's not here...did she go home? No. She would have taken her stuff.

I ran to the door and saw that her shoes are still there. That made no sense. Why wouldn't she take her shoes? I ripped the door open and looked around.

Her foot prints were there in the snow. They weren't super fresh but they were there. I followed the trail.

How long has she been out here? Where was she going? Why...did she leave?

She went through the market place and past the dungeon entrance. Her foot prints led me to a frozen lake. One problem. The lake was huge, she coud be anywhere and there were a lot of footprints. Foot prints of different sizes, species, and just way too many to keep a straight path of (y/n)'s.

"(Y/n)!!" I called as I began to run. The icy air froze my lungs as I inhaled. I held back a cough.
"(Y/n), where are you!?"

Your POV
"You're the mistake that needs to leave. You need to redeem yourself. Erase yourself."

"Erase, erase myself. I need to erase myself." I began to mutter. As I lay there on the snow, I felt a sharp, cold object next to my hand. It was a shard of ice that broke off from the lake. I clenched it and felt warm liquid spill from my hands. I didn't care. The one thing on my mind was that I needed to be erased. It was time for me to go.

I slowly sat myself up and held my left arm up. My body moved on it's own. I put the shard up to my arm and began to cut. I didn't feel anything because I was so numb from the cold.

"That's right. Keep going." The voice rang.

My mind went blank. Blood began to pool out from the long, deep cut in my wrist. I switched hands and did the same to my right wrist.

"Good. You're almost done. You can fix your mistake."

"That's right. I'm. A. Mistake."

"And it's time to erase it."

A.N.
I do not support or want to influence self harm and suicide. It's not a joke and neither is depression. Talk to someone before you make a big mistake. I've suffered from depression from over a year now and nothing has changed. It's a big heavy burden. Almost like smoke and clouds covering your heart. Almost like water in your lungs. It hurts. I'm writing like this mostly because I've likened the MC to myself and how I feel. This chapter was really a way to vent and get my feelings out. Again I apologise for this chapter. Stay hydrated, and take care of yourselves.
Word count 715 words