A Messed Up Mistake

12

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"And remember the your classmate from elementary, was it? Seo Youngji's her name. She's now an intern to an upscale corporation. There's a high possibility for her to get hired right after she graduate. I spoke to her mother last time wee met on a meeting and she told me about it. I never knew that kid would excel..."

My eyes were everywhere but on mom as she tells me about someone else's daughter again. We're having family dinner and yet she speaks about other family and how successful they are in life.

Uncle Lee took us out for dinner tonight because it has been a while since the last time we all sat together for dinner, by all I also include Taeyong. I thought my biggest worry for the night would probably him but the moment mom started talking about other people and tells me how I should do better like them, nothing else was inside my mind but her words.

"If I'm not mistaken, you're around her age too. Look at her now, she've come so far compared to the last time we both saw her." She chuckles.

I heaved a sigh in secrecy as I stare down my plate, barely moving the piece of meat on it with my fork. It was tastier a few minutes ago, before I lost my appetite.

"Well, that sounds impressive." I heard Taeyong's dad agreeing but I didn't want to look up. I want to go home. "But Aoki's doing really well. She's able to maintain her good remarks and even surpassed them."

"She just surpassed herself, not everyone else. It's not the same case." Mom said and she couldn't enunciate it more distinctly for me.

"But the students in our school are also intelligent." Taeyong casually joins in the conversation I refused to participate in. "Plus, I don't think college is a competition."

"Exactly." His dad agrees.

"That's my point. A lot of students are intelligent and some are even smarter than her, that's why I need you, Aoki, to focus on our goals. On your goals." I met eyes with mom and she was giving me that look again-the look that suffocates me, the look that makes me feel bad for not doing any better.

"I am trying..." I muttered with my head down, like I'm ashamed of myself. Should I be ashamed of myself in front of my own mother? Why? Just because I can't be like the other kids she knows of?

"And that's good! That's more than enough." Uncle Lee caught my attention when he cheered for me and I gave him a small smile, thanking him for standing by me.

"I've known lots of kids who dropped out of college yet you're still thriving, so that means you are doing well, and even if you drop out of college, I'm sure you'd still do well." He tells me, encouraging me and his words felt like the tape putting back my crushed confidence.

"She will not drop out." Mom's voice was stern when she said that, clearing it once and for all.

"I'm not saying that she is or she will, but if she-"

"She's not gonna drop out. She's not that irresponsible. She knows her goals and priorities and it will stay that way." Mom repeated and cutting him off.

I took a small piece of meat into my mouth and I couldn't even comprehend its taste as my mind's busy running through all the words my mom had said tonight. I'm genuinely starting to hate this idea of having dinner altogether.

"Can we talk about something else?" Taeyong said, following it with an awkward laugh from his dad.

"How's it going with the wedding preparations? Can we help with anything?"